28 Dec 2005: It's just eating my ass, a little bit...

I've been seeing some shit on tv and around work that gets on my nerves...

APARTMENT PIMPIN...

I was watching the plastic surgery channel...and this cow had that nerve to get "new" breast implants and a tummy tuck, to make her feel better about herself because she used to "model." The camera pans to their home and she has succesfully crammed herself, her husband and 3 kids into an apartment - then her mother and grandmother get on there talkin about how they got their boobs before she did. HOW ABOUT THIS...how about all you leather faced beeyotches, get your hair done first so the black roots don't show on your blonde hair. HOW ABOUT THIS...you take that -40K you just spent on your body and put it into a mutual fund for your kids so they have something for college...HOW ABOUT THIS...take the fuckin' money and get ur teeth fixed.

THE GENETIC FUTURE

I'm forever watching discovery health channel...and they are always saying the same shit,"ahhh finally the face i SHOULD have been born with..." Why don't you just slap your parents and grandparents...why don't you just tell your kids right now - go get your shit done coz I redid my face and you look like my old face so that means i don't wanna look how you look now. So what are people going to do, buy genetic therapy for their kids to avoid their own idiosyncracies and little foibles that make them individual. If you get it to get it done that's great - but i think saying you finally got the face you SHOULD have been born with is insulting ur foremothers..."

JUST PLAIN GROSS

okay the newest thing is aladerma to plumpen up the lips - erm like me or angelina jolie yanno...uhhhh well aladerma or some shit - means taking CADAVER skin and then pulling it through the lips to plump them up. I guess it's the same concept as stuffing ur bra but stuffing ur lips with C A D A V E R skin. I'm sorry - i'm just gonna throw up my Eng Bee Tin Hopia my lola penny and tita josie sent me from Las Pinas...

NASTY BASTARDS

you know what I hate, I hate it when i'm in the shop and I'm minding my own business and I'm being pleasant or talking pastry to the customers - and a guy stares at me while i'm not looking or he sits in the lounge where he can watch me while he has an arm around his girlfriends shoulder --- and this is not me wishful thinkin' on some brad pitt lookin dummies even this kiddos who work at the shop are like dayuuuuuum he wants him some pastry chef. Grrrrrr. I know that being in a relationship does not make you blind, but can i just get a little subtlety? If you can't love that girl your with, at least show a little respect foolio...

PORNO PEOPLE

so I've been told that people in the PORN industry and some stripper chicks too hang about scottsdale and the area we are located...well I worked as a manager the day after Christmas as a manager so no chef hat that day just a black dress shirt...I padded over next door to get my quattro espresso and I hear this fuckin YUTZ on his cell phone saying in a LOUD voice in front of little kids and elderly people,"Oh yah, I had to fuck Char for hours last night and now my dick is chafed and sore. Oh yah I worked on that shot fucking her, yah we were at the James hotel just fucking for hours..." Then he shot me a look like why was i eavesdropping while he was waiting for his skinny cappucino - so I told the stupid motherFUCKER- - you shouldn't order a cappucino after 10am, and then in a lower voice I snarled," take your fucktalk outside pal, there are children all around..."and much to my chagrin that ass LEFT...If I would have had my french rolling pin in reach, I would have cracked him across his knee - greasy bastard...

MYSPACE

i'm sick of your birthday bugs and blog errors TOM, when i hit POST - it's not supposed to post a blank. but whatever take your money and hoes and run foolio...

ALLERGIES

the air quality is fucking impoverished around here lately and it makes me miss the ocean and shit coz at least i got a bit of cold fresh air twice a day- the air quality is so shitty I don't know if i'm fighting a cold or just trying to breathe...someone take me to an oxygen bar, I want a melon whiff please.

SICK

why are men impossible when they are sick. Apparently it is scientifically proven that a glass of water and nyquiL become 400lbs and unliftable by men when they have the flu

WHAT ARE YOU

i'm filipina motherfuckers and don't give me that look like you don't believe me coz i know who my parents are so i don't wanna look at your white face in my brown face telling me that i can't be filipino. coz guess what asshats - real filipinos are brown...and uh the end.

MELANIE

stop telling me about eric this or eric that. this is really hilarious, coz I know when he's in the country before she does...or when he's in TX, or LA, or AU, or anywhere. Yet she seems to like to flaunt the fact that she speaks to their mutual friend (dennis or derrick or daniel or whatever the hell his name is) and can locate his whereabouts. First of all, if I wanted him --- I could have had him: 5 years ago, 3 years ago, 1 year ago and even 3 months ago...And like I said before - because you humped him, I could never be with him, because that is scandalous. Apparently, she doesn't seem to understand that in the past he and I have had conversations lasting for hours regarding travel, and life, and careers. She cannot fathom conversations devoid of sex. She thinks he likes me coz I have 'big' knockers. News Flash honey - they aren't that big - they are just a 36D. that is not that big. It's my big brain that has him trippin.' I feel kind of bad for her. She really wants him but knows that he wouldn't go for that shit - coz he has this ideal of worthiness in a female. One of her qualities is an ability to work even though he'd never make his girlfriend work. He also likes women who are driven but kind. She scores zero on both. I mean yah he humped her, but I remember him sayin' that being seen with her in public made him think twice because guys were giving him this look like why are you holding her hand. LOL, fuckin embarrassing how fuckin embarrassing...i finally told her tonight- -i'm sure you'll tell me if you see him because you can't seem to control yourself. LMFAO...

XENOPHOBIA

someone at work was talkin shit about france this and france that. i said i had a fine time in paris - have you ever been? he's like no, but i don't like how they look at our politics and blah blah. I said fuck that regurgitated shit - they were cool to me, coz i'm not some dumbass american tourist wearing an aloha shirt in the middle of winter on champs elysses...i said if you are gonna talk shit about a frenchman, meet a couple first.

BOUGIE BOOGIE

I'm tired of "rich "stupid ass clowns acting like the parental money is theirs. I'm tired of nouveau riche retards calling people ghetto while they sit their chewing with their mouth open and speaking with their mouth full after failing to use a serving spoon on something being served to everyone...I am tired of their improperly spoken words being spoken improperly to people whom they think do not speak english well enough. Take that shit somewhere. I'm gonna say this - until you sit in skin with colour you will never truly understand what work is, coz mothuhfucka - it ain't a 3 day work week plus your complaints...you are not a god damn pariah of good taste just coz you saw some shit on the internet.

I've been around the world a few times and I'll eat you for breakfast bitch

YOU AIN'T THAT FOINE

...I love the little he bitches in too tight shirts walking around as if they are fine. I even see them treating other people poorly and I don't like it. I am not in the habit of treating people shittily, I must be provoked in order to fire on someone. I now have the urge control to not unleash on wanna be intellects, so called fashionistas, self righteous painters, ego ulcerated dj's and the wives of old rich men, bitter little girls who have the hearts of snails and weild their hello kitty pens to make 'so so' poetics. So giving he bitches a dull straight face stare ain't shit. So take your surface muscles from 24 hour fitness and your non fat sorbetto and get the fuck out. No matter how hard you try, you cannot escape the shadow of your insignificance. You abercrombie zombie, get out of my sight - coz all I see inside of you is a little girl clutching a raggedy ann doll sayin' why doesn't daddy love me...Get on , you he bitches...

THREE DAYS

i have three days of work and then fun fun fun for new years. With everything happening I'm not going to be able to take any time off until April which is bachelorette party time. Christmas was awesome, and I got some stuff I expected and stuff I didn't even expect. either way it's all good...okay bye bye, I'm going to eat some stuffing.

20 Dec 2005: Kickstart Farting, Mailing and Parting..

okay everyone around me seems to think it's okay to fart around me and do it proudly...thankfully i haven't passed out or been shocked by anything of a septic nature...

i dunno why i still laugh like i'm in freakin 5th grade and it cracks me up...

my sister: looks across at us and says Shhhhhh **finger to lips** and we say wuuuuut - and it's like brwaaa-tat-tat-tat...

my sister part 2: squeaks one out - and turns to dog..."MAAAX - damn"

my brother: booty boombox fart blast then looks behind himself and says, "why you talkin shit..."

my brother as a kid: does a fake palm to head push and says "yaaaah, you're healed" while simultaneously farting

my boything: looks at me after silencer and says - ohhh Bae....i look at him and say OMG - ur goiing to kill me...

my boything lately: lifts his right leg and makes kung fu face then pumps the air as if he's kickstarting a moped...face tightens up more - but no results. i hate this one the most because i'm anticipating an assault to my nose but nothing

me: ninja poots. i alternate between escalator leavings and walking fast and leaving them behind so as to 'frame' the person behind me for my gas crimes. in almost all cases that would be my boyfriend...

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It is really difficult to play the part of the charming chef girl when people are becoming increasingly chintzy. Now, if we kept the shop in a cheaper district I would anticipate a bit of penny pinching. But don't roll up in your Porsche Cayenne and your face lifted and wince at the price of custom cakes. I mean seriously the richer they are the more ungrateful and the cheaper they are. They make the girls jump through hoops and never ever tip them - it's really annoying to me.

Also, I will not make you any kind of mainstream theme cake - so take dora, spiderman, powderpuff girls and all that shit and shove it up your augmented ass. If you want that shit go to safeway. I will make you pulled sugar roses, little ladybugs and flowers made of marzipan, meringue christmas trees and mangos carved into chrysanthemums...but i don't do Disney - okay. I even made someone a marijuana leaf and blunt made out of marzipan...of course that never saw the display case it went straight to box and out the door. I will not let people make decisions who have no idea what they are doing - ie) do not order a raspberry mint mousse. I will let them sample until I can see they won't regret making such a pricey purchase.

When will people learn that money does not equivocate taste.

I'm working christmas eve. I don't know how I feel about it yet. I'll tell you later. We mailed cookies and gifts out and I'm glad we handled all that on Monday - the post office looked bonkers - with like all 20 carspaces moving and moving and moving...we walked into this one on 20th street - and I like this one because it's busy but everyone that works there is fast. I looked at the wall it said numbr 89. I looked at the one in my hand it said number 15. WHAT THE FUCK..so this lady is sitting right by the number thing says take this one - and it said number 3. I was like oh HEY thanks...freakin bonkers - people had HELLA packages - nu UH. next year I do my mail out 2 wks before xmas... But I must admit I got lucky this year - coz Keyla went to Calie and i sent her with a suitcase of cookies - how hilarious is that.

I love the faces of grandmothers mailing gifts to their grandchildren, they touch the boxes and you can seee their happy thoughts of those little bebe's.

i already got my xmas gift - i'm a bad girl.

14 Dec 2005: Heeey Haiku

heeey Haiku

haiku in it's proper format goes a little something like this...

5 - 7 - 5 syllables, referring to nature or seasons...

i've been hearing this word haiku a lot lately

and have to clarify what the fuck is going on

so here is mine:

winter dwindles here

my toes hang over the bed frozen

waiting for your warmth

e.

14 Dec 2005: Sauce for the Heart, boots for the sole

Sauce for the Heart, Boots for the Sole

...let me preface this with I love shoes: the unusual, the kyoote, the kind that make your ankles twitter with delicate ankle straps and heels that give you a nosebleed, the retro, and most of all the rare and hard to find.

The other night we were driving home...and nuSun started talkin about how he and hyder were talking at the flavor shop move to the Loft. I guess a girl walked past hydacious in some UGG-ly boots...and hyder popped out with,"...Saucy will always have a soft spot in my heart for her BOOTS, coz she always comes on point with her boots. You're girl can rock some boots..." Bwaa hahahahaa.

Funny thing is, I never realized he even noticed...or that anyone notices. At n.... last show I rocked some Black ecko boots with the socks attached that go up to the thigh - they look like tube socks but kinda tokyo-esque. I feel that if your boyfriend is headlining - the least you can do is dress the part if you are pushin the merch.

It is crazy hard to find boots in this town - at least boots worth owning that no one else rocks. I think I have like 10 knee boots, about 5 midlength and about 4 above the ankle, I even have open toe boots - bwaa hahaha. The rest of them are countless. Last season I had a crush on Luichiny's...this season I'm having a love affair with Irregular Choice shoes. I love the little cartoony characters on the bottom of the sole. Details details details...

I just chanced upon some cream and dark blue ecko boots again with the thigh high socks attached (same as pictured above but with dark blue stripe), I'm going to custom a short denim skirt just to go with these boots - but i'm saving them for the Grayskul gig that is coming here in January - I feel these are only appropriate for hip hop gigs in pleated or denim skirts... It's strange - I wear mine a lot higher than the knee - most people don't, I dunno why, it's sexier.

...cookies...

Cookie parcels went out today:

...my classic chocolate chip

...vanilla cookie with some pink rock sugar i made

...dark choco cookie with white chocolate chip

...flourless oatmeal cookie with peanut butter and m&m's

...coconut choco pecan cookie with a graham cracker bottom

...ghirardelli drizzled krispy treats

I thought I was gonna be ambitious this year and make ube white chocolate truffles, some choco cognac truffles, some amaretto chocolates and some english toffee - bwaa hahahhah yah right. After I busted out my 7th dozen cookies - my chocolate dreams went right back to where they belong - in my "aspirations" file. haahhaha. I have a secondary batch coming --- I think I'm just going to aspire to uhhhh some lemon bars. It's funny - this whole cookie thing started out as a remedy for me. I wanna say about 10 years ago, when I lived in Calie - I have so much family and friends, I thought it was pointless to go out and get little gifts for everyone - so I started making bowed cookie tins filled with cookies and treats. But I have to say it's not just a Christmas thing whenever I get near anyone I always bake for them. No one seems to want any fancy french pastries I can make and with the exception of my brother who always jones for Danish...almost everytime - cookies are the ticket. lol. I miss baking with everyone pulling them straight out the oven and everyone just munching munching saying Mmmm uh Huh Mmmmn oh yah these are soooo good.

I miss the random barbecues we used to have with my cousins and after a weekend of catering mom would tell us call your cousins, call your uncle, call your friends c'mon lets barbecue - hahaa and after 3 or 4 days of cooking we would all sit around and cook and laugh. It was another world. I had an uncle who loved those Sunday eating things - he would say oh what's that, with the most serious look on his face and I would always make it a point to make at least one thing I knew he hadn't ever tried. And every time he tried it - he never criticized it. He might say oh that thing last week was better but this is good. LOL. Good times. Noisy houses full of laughter and noise and the smell of food keepin everyone glued.

This world has moved so fast. I used to hump away at my IT job and only feel remotely alive when I was cooking and getting lost over the flame. Now I'm happily humping away at my pastry gig and I wouldn't change that. If I could do it over again - I'd have everyone over to eat EVERY week. Even before the weekly bbq's when they were little --- it was so easy back then, when the days were filled with watching tv on lolo and lolas wood grain tv with a shutter, piggy back rides and eatin' shrimp chips. haha. Now that world is so far away and my 'baby' cousins are all grown up. I guess in some kind of formative world, we're all grown up.

11 Dec 2005: For Shame...I think I'm a hater...

oh it was just another grueling 10 hour day...oh it was another deluge of dessert junkies, couples on a first date, couples on a 500th date, couples on a high school date, straight dates, gay dates, angry dates, love dates, belated dates, first timers, regulars, glancers and grazers, my fans and my foes - it seemed everyone was there --- even rock-oh my favourite was there...the kids had fabulous energy tonight, just bouncing around full of sliders and caffeine and the air was teeming with youth. As busy as it was i manaed to fill the case and build the extras and some birth day things and the pending edible decor orders that i know are coming...

Raspberry Oolong? Thanks very much - that's my own little blend. Suck down the iced tea, forget to drink it so it's no longer cold but just tepid, add more ice -- now it's watered down, just stay hydrated. Damn, why is the air so dry - oh no i'm out of cocoa butter lip schmutz...Take a break but just run gelato to Maryah and return some movies - pop back into work to see people whom you just saw yesterday for euro breakfast...

Finally, everything is scrubbed down and cleaned. There was even enough staff for me to take AleXXX as an assistant all night. She says you protect me from people who need anger management classes and we love nooooodles. then Ali busts out with yah the three older ladies were hitting on me a little..I said who the broads with too much concealer??? They wanted you to poke them in the eye with your Shalingling long dong and then ride your Mos Def ...bwaa hahaha. Then he said the most baffling thing - he said I can't wait until you have kids - i GUFFAWED and said why is that? he said just so i can see how you raise them and can tell everyone how it needs to be done. Bwaa haha. I'm going to take that as a compliment because I choose to.

Loaned out my dove grey peacoat, walk to the car in a tee...line up with the Corridor traffic and merge onto 51 - shit I remember I promised to pick up eggs, tomatoes, kielbasa oh and i need contact solution and some lip balm. Well it's almost midnight - no choice but Wal mart..rock star parkin' right by the door (thanks Buddha for little favours) --- grab what I need, luck out on a fast line and i'm bounding for the exit with my two bags, then...

First of all let me veer off and say - i'm perfectly happy, but this instance was only my relative humanity and not a desire to stray...

then...in walks in a girl of my height with a helluva lot more knockers and other stuff, about 2 steps behind her is very possibly one of the finest specimens of Asiatic man I've seen in a damn long time. He was over 6 ft tall with a leonine head of hair, perfectly spaced almond eyes much shaped like mine and a distinct nose. He also had the leggy walk of a confident city guy...he was like Ogami Itto (of lone wolf and cub) but personified in a modern way - which is probably why he caught my attention. and before i could stop myself, it popped out my mouth - "damn, he's hella fine..." then i thought why'd he pick that white girl...

FUCKIN SHAME ON ME...

With my ego set aside, I say this...now I know how men of colour feel when they see me with a white guy. Seriously - I've never felt this pang of bafflement. So it's cool - in that split second, I got some insight into how others feel...But I don't feel towards them the heated anger i've felt from the eyes of strangers when my hands in my boyfriends...

09 Dec 2005: Lost and Found

Lost and Found

Freakin' Ridiculous...

As everyone has already figured out I deal with pastries cakes and gelato all day - well at least for 4 days of the week. Well Stuff gets left all the time...people just leave all kinds of stuff: jewelry, watches, flash drives, purses containing wads of money/prescription pills/ photos/ etc., cell phones, coats, sweaters, hoodies, last night it was acura keys and a blackberry...**shakes head** It's just baffling to me how people can leave all kinds of shit behind - one woman left her dry cleaning, briefcase and macy's bags from shopping and didn't come back for like 7 hours for it...this other woman left her daughter in the shop for 2 hours and came back and said, 'oh...there you are'...mind you - these are not some ghetto faboo bubbleheads...they ARE bubbleheads but they drive porsche cayennes and other such 5 figure vehicles. I mean come on, I can't believe that people would leave things much less their kiddos. The cafe next to us posted a sign that said if you leave your child unattended we will give them LOTS of espresso and gelato. Bwaa hahaha.

Hey if you wanna leave your man - just leave him in the lounge. At the end of the week if no one comes to claim him, they'll be taken to the compactor at no expense to yourself...

I have to admit each day is filled with small bliss. Last night i was fighting a fever and a cold yet today i hammered through work. People are so in love with edible Xmas decor --- I love how regardless of age, people get this childlike glint in their eye when they look at sugar trees hand forged out of icing...I still love to see couples who've been together for decades splitting a dessert as if it were their first date...I still love it when people look at chocolate concoctions and go oh wooooow --- oh yuuuuum...I still love it when people respect craft coz I'm sent out to explain something or take specifics on a cake...Today i was tempering waves of chocolate and a couple peered at me through the fishbowl doorway and i just smiled and kept on working. People are so fascinated with what I do because it implies playtime and enjoyment but requires concentration and skill...

I love what i do and i wouldn't change it. Someone once said to me yeah so what you make cakes and pretty things - as if it were insignificant. That shit doesn't fade me, because people say that they love their shit all day, but they don't pour the appropriate love and energy into it that they should. There will always be those greater and lesser than us, I will always just take pride in every beautified day.

meanwhile, the requests for cookies and fudge pour in...

07 Dec 2005: Wondertwins Kung Fu

Bwaa hahaha

Can I just say I wanna bitchslap someone with the bottom of my foot..however, the kung fu twins did me justice with the doc marten bitch slap to the vampire count...even after she lost that nibblin' canine she's still most kyoote

aka Vampire Effect in the US

What the hell am i doing watching movies...i'm supposed to be making gingerbread minis, can i feel less guilty coz i have laundry in the basket, yesterday I should have been makin' marzipan pieces but instead i went lookin for mags and out to mex food then nuSun went xmas shoppin ... I'm pretty much tapped out on xmas decor and such haha...

I already had a treacle of aggravation for valentines just thinkin' about valentines decor and cakes which will be in 2 short months yanno...I pretty much get tapped out on all the holidays just because I make decor back to back...i wouldn't call it bah humbug but it's happening....

I'll post pics of the xmas stuff i've been makin' in a couple days...

bleh.

06 Dec 2005: Alfies Foursome...Shape of a Survey

Form of a Survey

Wondertwins Activate...

This is alfies survey mayuuunnn and womayuuuun

FOUR JOBS YOU'VE HAD IN YOUR LIFE
1. Window Display for Macy's/Emporiums
2. Bartender @ Drag Queen Bar
3. Systems Project Manager for a fortune 100 joint
4. Pastry Chef

FOUR MOVIES YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER
1. Trainspotting
2. Iron Monkey/Kung Fu Hustle/Bride with White Hair
3. Wasabi/Four Rooms
4. Chronicles of Riddick

FOUR CITIES YOU'VE LIVED IN:
1. MTY
2. OAK
3. SDG
4. MNL

FOUR TV SHOWS YOU LOVE TO WATCH

1. How Clean is Your House
2. Iron Chef (the original)
3. Samurai Champloo
4. Discovery Health Channel

FOUR PLACES YOU'VE BEEN ON VACATION:
1. Florence/Verona/Venice, Italy
2. Luzern, Switzerland / Stockholm, Sweden
3. Boracay & Tagaytay Philippines
4. Manhattan, KeyWest, DC, my bed with PS2...

note: I only listed my faves, but let it be known that saucy does not like Munich and wasn't really feelin London...and was let down by New Orleans...and i've trekked about 50 more cities but that's just me.

FOUR WEBSITES YOU VISIT DAILY:
1. myspace, i'm here for roll call daily
2. yoshimotobanana.com
3. bride stuff - coz my best friend is gonna get married in July
4. google/mapquest/chef2chef.com

FOUR OF YOUR ALL-TIME FAVOURITE RESTAURANTS:
1. Street Food, all cities and all countries, holla at Pink's hotdog on Melrose, holla at street sago in Manila, holla at chowder bread bowls in monterey...
2. Koryo House, Berkeley Oakland Border
3. Purple Place for Dim Sum, Sunset District
4. Dulcinea, Pastry and Cafe, Makati Philippines...let me hear this spaniard bitch yell at her husband while I wolf down sans rival and hot chocolate...

FOUR OF YOUR FAVOURITE FOODS:
1. Tigers Tears, thai thin sliced beef with 12 kinds of hot spice
2. Rare Grilled Steak, almost anywhere
3. Strawberries,BlackBerries, MangoSteen, Green Mango, Jicama
4. Carpaccio sizzled with garlic sesame oil. Gimme Meat damnnit

FOUR SCHOOLS YOU'VE ATTENDED
1. preschool 1 and 2
2. elementary and high school
3. sadistic college then certs
4. culinary punishment

FOUR PLACES I'D RATHER BE RIGHT NOW:
1. on a snowy beach - east coast
2. on a windy beach - west coast
3. eating street noodles - any major asian city
4. makin love or makin cake...bwaaa hahhhahhah

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if you have any questions or concerns please press 2, if you would like to hear the menu again press 0, if you'd like to repeat the previous press #, if you have your own shit to add press Comment !!!

there are those of you i love

there are those of you who make me laugh

but even in your pitiful attempts

you won't reach the ribbon

left by the flight ahead...

that's all