28 Dec 2005: It's just eating my ass, a little bit...

I've been seeing some shit on tv and around work that gets on my nerves...

APARTMENT PIMPIN...

I was watching the plastic surgery channel...and this cow had that nerve to get "new" breast implants and a tummy tuck, to make her feel better about herself because she used to "model." The camera pans to their home and she has succesfully crammed herself, her husband and 3 kids into an apartment - then her mother and grandmother get on there talkin about how they got their boobs before she did. HOW ABOUT THIS...how about all you leather faced beeyotches, get your hair done first so the black roots don't show on your blonde hair. HOW ABOUT THIS...you take that -40K you just spent on your body and put it into a mutual fund for your kids so they have something for college...HOW ABOUT THIS...take the fuckin' money and get ur teeth fixed.

THE GENETIC FUTURE

I'm forever watching discovery health channel...and they are always saying the same shit,"ahhh finally the face i SHOULD have been born with..." Why don't you just slap your parents and grandparents...why don't you just tell your kids right now - go get your shit done coz I redid my face and you look like my old face so that means i don't wanna look how you look now. So what are people going to do, buy genetic therapy for their kids to avoid their own idiosyncracies and little foibles that make them individual. If you get it to get it done that's great - but i think saying you finally got the face you SHOULD have been born with is insulting ur foremothers..."

JUST PLAIN GROSS

okay the newest thing is aladerma to plumpen up the lips - erm like me or angelina jolie yanno...uhhhh well aladerma or some shit - means taking CADAVER skin and then pulling it through the lips to plump them up. I guess it's the same concept as stuffing ur bra but stuffing ur lips with C A D A V E R skin. I'm sorry - i'm just gonna throw up my Eng Bee Tin Hopia my lola penny and tita josie sent me from Las Pinas...

NASTY BASTARDS

you know what I hate, I hate it when i'm in the shop and I'm minding my own business and I'm being pleasant or talking pastry to the customers - and a guy stares at me while i'm not looking or he sits in the lounge where he can watch me while he has an arm around his girlfriends shoulder --- and this is not me wishful thinkin' on some brad pitt lookin dummies even this kiddos who work at the shop are like dayuuuuuum he wants him some pastry chef. Grrrrrr. I know that being in a relationship does not make you blind, but can i just get a little subtlety? If you can't love that girl your with, at least show a little respect foolio...

PORNO PEOPLE

so I've been told that people in the PORN industry and some stripper chicks too hang about scottsdale and the area we are located...well I worked as a manager the day after Christmas as a manager so no chef hat that day just a black dress shirt...I padded over next door to get my quattro espresso and I hear this fuckin YUTZ on his cell phone saying in a LOUD voice in front of little kids and elderly people,"Oh yah, I had to fuck Char for hours last night and now my dick is chafed and sore. Oh yah I worked on that shot fucking her, yah we were at the James hotel just fucking for hours..." Then he shot me a look like why was i eavesdropping while he was waiting for his skinny cappucino - so I told the stupid motherFUCKER- - you shouldn't order a cappucino after 10am, and then in a lower voice I snarled," take your fucktalk outside pal, there are children all around..."and much to my chagrin that ass LEFT...If I would have had my french rolling pin in reach, I would have cracked him across his knee - greasy bastard...

MYSPACE

i'm sick of your birthday bugs and blog errors TOM, when i hit POST - it's not supposed to post a blank. but whatever take your money and hoes and run foolio...

ALLERGIES

the air quality is fucking impoverished around here lately and it makes me miss the ocean and shit coz at least i got a bit of cold fresh air twice a day- the air quality is so shitty I don't know if i'm fighting a cold or just trying to breathe...someone take me to an oxygen bar, I want a melon whiff please.

SICK

why are men impossible when they are sick. Apparently it is scientifically proven that a glass of water and nyquiL become 400lbs and unliftable by men when they have the flu

WHAT ARE YOU

i'm filipina motherfuckers and don't give me that look like you don't believe me coz i know who my parents are so i don't wanna look at your white face in my brown face telling me that i can't be filipino. coz guess what asshats - real filipinos are brown...and uh the end.

MELANIE

stop telling me about eric this or eric that. this is really hilarious, coz I know when he's in the country before she does...or when he's in TX, or LA, or AU, or anywhere. Yet she seems to like to flaunt the fact that she speaks to their mutual friend (dennis or derrick or daniel or whatever the hell his name is) and can locate his whereabouts. First of all, if I wanted him --- I could have had him: 5 years ago, 3 years ago, 1 year ago and even 3 months ago...And like I said before - because you humped him, I could never be with him, because that is scandalous. Apparently, she doesn't seem to understand that in the past he and I have had conversations lasting for hours regarding travel, and life, and careers. She cannot fathom conversations devoid of sex. She thinks he likes me coz I have 'big' knockers. News Flash honey - they aren't that big - they are just a 36D. that is not that big. It's my big brain that has him trippin.' I feel kind of bad for her. She really wants him but knows that he wouldn't go for that shit - coz he has this ideal of worthiness in a female. One of her qualities is an ability to work even though he'd never make his girlfriend work. He also likes women who are driven but kind. She scores zero on both. I mean yah he humped her, but I remember him sayin' that being seen with her in public made him think twice because guys were giving him this look like why are you holding her hand. LOL, fuckin embarrassing how fuckin embarrassing...i finally told her tonight- -i'm sure you'll tell me if you see him because you can't seem to control yourself. LMFAO...

XENOPHOBIA

someone at work was talkin shit about france this and france that. i said i had a fine time in paris - have you ever been? he's like no, but i don't like how they look at our politics and blah blah. I said fuck that regurgitated shit - they were cool to me, coz i'm not some dumbass american tourist wearing an aloha shirt in the middle of winter on champs elysses...i said if you are gonna talk shit about a frenchman, meet a couple first.

BOUGIE BOOGIE

I'm tired of "rich "stupid ass clowns acting like the parental money is theirs. I'm tired of nouveau riche retards calling people ghetto while they sit their chewing with their mouth open and speaking with their mouth full after failing to use a serving spoon on something being served to everyone...I am tired of their improperly spoken words being spoken improperly to people whom they think do not speak english well enough. Take that shit somewhere. I'm gonna say this - until you sit in skin with colour you will never truly understand what work is, coz mothuhfucka - it ain't a 3 day work week plus your complaints...you are not a god damn pariah of good taste just coz you saw some shit on the internet.

I've been around the world a few times and I'll eat you for breakfast bitch

YOU AIN'T THAT FOINE

...I love the little he bitches in too tight shirts walking around as if they are fine. I even see them treating other people poorly and I don't like it. I am not in the habit of treating people shittily, I must be provoked in order to fire on someone. I now have the urge control to not unleash on wanna be intellects, so called fashionistas, self righteous painters, ego ulcerated dj's and the wives of old rich men, bitter little girls who have the hearts of snails and weild their hello kitty pens to make 'so so' poetics. So giving he bitches a dull straight face stare ain't shit. So take your surface muscles from 24 hour fitness and your non fat sorbetto and get the fuck out. No matter how hard you try, you cannot escape the shadow of your insignificance. You abercrombie zombie, get out of my sight - coz all I see inside of you is a little girl clutching a raggedy ann doll sayin' why doesn't daddy love me...Get on , you he bitches...

THREE DAYS

i have three days of work and then fun fun fun for new years. With everything happening I'm not going to be able to take any time off until April which is bachelorette party time. Christmas was awesome, and I got some stuff I expected and stuff I didn't even expect. either way it's all good...okay bye bye, I'm going to eat some stuffing.

20 Dec 2005: Kickstart Farting, Mailing and Parting..

okay everyone around me seems to think it's okay to fart around me and do it proudly...thankfully i haven't passed out or been shocked by anything of a septic nature...

i dunno why i still laugh like i'm in freakin 5th grade and it cracks me up...

my sister: looks across at us and says Shhhhhh **finger to lips** and we say wuuuuut - and it's like brwaaa-tat-tat-tat...

my sister part 2: squeaks one out - and turns to dog..."MAAAX - damn"

my brother: booty boombox fart blast then looks behind himself and says, "why you talkin shit..."

my brother as a kid: does a fake palm to head push and says "yaaaah, you're healed" while simultaneously farting

my boything: looks at me after silencer and says - ohhh Bae....i look at him and say OMG - ur goiing to kill me...

my boything lately: lifts his right leg and makes kung fu face then pumps the air as if he's kickstarting a moped...face tightens up more - but no results. i hate this one the most because i'm anticipating an assault to my nose but nothing

me: ninja poots. i alternate between escalator leavings and walking fast and leaving them behind so as to 'frame' the person behind me for my gas crimes. in almost all cases that would be my boyfriend...

-----------

It is really difficult to play the part of the charming chef girl when people are becoming increasingly chintzy. Now, if we kept the shop in a cheaper district I would anticipate a bit of penny pinching. But don't roll up in your Porsche Cayenne and your face lifted and wince at the price of custom cakes. I mean seriously the richer they are the more ungrateful and the cheaper they are. They make the girls jump through hoops and never ever tip them - it's really annoying to me.

Also, I will not make you any kind of mainstream theme cake - so take dora, spiderman, powderpuff girls and all that shit and shove it up your augmented ass. If you want that shit go to safeway. I will make you pulled sugar roses, little ladybugs and flowers made of marzipan, meringue christmas trees and mangos carved into chrysanthemums...but i don't do Disney - okay. I even made someone a marijuana leaf and blunt made out of marzipan...of course that never saw the display case it went straight to box and out the door. I will not let people make decisions who have no idea what they are doing - ie) do not order a raspberry mint mousse. I will let them sample until I can see they won't regret making such a pricey purchase.

When will people learn that money does not equivocate taste.

I'm working christmas eve. I don't know how I feel about it yet. I'll tell you later. We mailed cookies and gifts out and I'm glad we handled all that on Monday - the post office looked bonkers - with like all 20 carspaces moving and moving and moving...we walked into this one on 20th street - and I like this one because it's busy but everyone that works there is fast. I looked at the wall it said numbr 89. I looked at the one in my hand it said number 15. WHAT THE FUCK..so this lady is sitting right by the number thing says take this one - and it said number 3. I was like oh HEY thanks...freakin bonkers - people had HELLA packages - nu UH. next year I do my mail out 2 wks before xmas... But I must admit I got lucky this year - coz Keyla went to Calie and i sent her with a suitcase of cookies - how hilarious is that.

I love the faces of grandmothers mailing gifts to their grandchildren, they touch the boxes and you can seee their happy thoughts of those little bebe's.

i already got my xmas gift - i'm a bad girl.

14 Dec 2005: Heeey Haiku

heeey Haiku

haiku in it's proper format goes a little something like this...

5 - 7 - 5 syllables, referring to nature or seasons...

i've been hearing this word haiku a lot lately

and have to clarify what the fuck is going on

so here is mine:

winter dwindles here

my toes hang over the bed frozen

waiting for your warmth

e.

14 Dec 2005: Sauce for the Heart, boots for the sole

Sauce for the Heart, Boots for the Sole

...let me preface this with I love shoes: the unusual, the kyoote, the kind that make your ankles twitter with delicate ankle straps and heels that give you a nosebleed, the retro, and most of all the rare and hard to find.

The other night we were driving home...and nuSun started talkin about how he and hyder were talking at the flavor shop move to the Loft. I guess a girl walked past hydacious in some UGG-ly boots...and hyder popped out with,"...Saucy will always have a soft spot in my heart for her BOOTS, coz she always comes on point with her boots. You're girl can rock some boots..." Bwaa hahahahaa.

Funny thing is, I never realized he even noticed...or that anyone notices. At n.... last show I rocked some Black ecko boots with the socks attached that go up to the thigh - they look like tube socks but kinda tokyo-esque. I feel that if your boyfriend is headlining - the least you can do is dress the part if you are pushin the merch.

It is crazy hard to find boots in this town - at least boots worth owning that no one else rocks. I think I have like 10 knee boots, about 5 midlength and about 4 above the ankle, I even have open toe boots - bwaa hahaha. The rest of them are countless. Last season I had a crush on Luichiny's...this season I'm having a love affair with Irregular Choice shoes. I love the little cartoony characters on the bottom of the sole. Details details details...

I just chanced upon some cream and dark blue ecko boots again with the thigh high socks attached (same as pictured above but with dark blue stripe), I'm going to custom a short denim skirt just to go with these boots - but i'm saving them for the Grayskul gig that is coming here in January - I feel these are only appropriate for hip hop gigs in pleated or denim skirts... It's strange - I wear mine a lot higher than the knee - most people don't, I dunno why, it's sexier.

...cookies...

Cookie parcels went out today:

...my classic chocolate chip

...vanilla cookie with some pink rock sugar i made

...dark choco cookie with white chocolate chip

...flourless oatmeal cookie with peanut butter and m&m's

...coconut choco pecan cookie with a graham cracker bottom

...ghirardelli drizzled krispy treats

I thought I was gonna be ambitious this year and make ube white chocolate truffles, some choco cognac truffles, some amaretto chocolates and some english toffee - bwaa hahahhah yah right. After I busted out my 7th dozen cookies - my chocolate dreams went right back to where they belong - in my "aspirations" file. haahhaha. I have a secondary batch coming --- I think I'm just going to aspire to uhhhh some lemon bars. It's funny - this whole cookie thing started out as a remedy for me. I wanna say about 10 years ago, when I lived in Calie - I have so much family and friends, I thought it was pointless to go out and get little gifts for everyone - so I started making bowed cookie tins filled with cookies and treats. But I have to say it's not just a Christmas thing whenever I get near anyone I always bake for them. No one seems to want any fancy french pastries I can make and with the exception of my brother who always jones for Danish...almost everytime - cookies are the ticket. lol. I miss baking with everyone pulling them straight out the oven and everyone just munching munching saying Mmmm uh Huh Mmmmn oh yah these are soooo good.

I miss the random barbecues we used to have with my cousins and after a weekend of catering mom would tell us call your cousins, call your uncle, call your friends c'mon lets barbecue - hahaa and after 3 or 4 days of cooking we would all sit around and cook and laugh. It was another world. I had an uncle who loved those Sunday eating things - he would say oh what's that, with the most serious look on his face and I would always make it a point to make at least one thing I knew he hadn't ever tried. And every time he tried it - he never criticized it. He might say oh that thing last week was better but this is good. LOL. Good times. Noisy houses full of laughter and noise and the smell of food keepin everyone glued.

This world has moved so fast. I used to hump away at my IT job and only feel remotely alive when I was cooking and getting lost over the flame. Now I'm happily humping away at my pastry gig and I wouldn't change that. If I could do it over again - I'd have everyone over to eat EVERY week. Even before the weekly bbq's when they were little --- it was so easy back then, when the days were filled with watching tv on lolo and lolas wood grain tv with a shutter, piggy back rides and eatin' shrimp chips. haha. Now that world is so far away and my 'baby' cousins are all grown up. I guess in some kind of formative world, we're all grown up.

11 Dec 2005: For Shame...I think I'm a hater...

oh it was just another grueling 10 hour day...oh it was another deluge of dessert junkies, couples on a first date, couples on a 500th date, couples on a high school date, straight dates, gay dates, angry dates, love dates, belated dates, first timers, regulars, glancers and grazers, my fans and my foes - it seemed everyone was there --- even rock-oh my favourite was there...the kids had fabulous energy tonight, just bouncing around full of sliders and caffeine and the air was teeming with youth. As busy as it was i manaed to fill the case and build the extras and some birth day things and the pending edible decor orders that i know are coming...

Raspberry Oolong? Thanks very much - that's my own little blend. Suck down the iced tea, forget to drink it so it's no longer cold but just tepid, add more ice -- now it's watered down, just stay hydrated. Damn, why is the air so dry - oh no i'm out of cocoa butter lip schmutz...Take a break but just run gelato to Maryah and return some movies - pop back into work to see people whom you just saw yesterday for euro breakfast...

Finally, everything is scrubbed down and cleaned. There was even enough staff for me to take AleXXX as an assistant all night. She says you protect me from people who need anger management classes and we love nooooodles. then Ali busts out with yah the three older ladies were hitting on me a little..I said who the broads with too much concealer??? They wanted you to poke them in the eye with your Shalingling long dong and then ride your Mos Def ...bwaa hahaha. Then he said the most baffling thing - he said I can't wait until you have kids - i GUFFAWED and said why is that? he said just so i can see how you raise them and can tell everyone how it needs to be done. Bwaa haha. I'm going to take that as a compliment because I choose to.

Loaned out my dove grey peacoat, walk to the car in a tee...line up with the Corridor traffic and merge onto 51 - shit I remember I promised to pick up eggs, tomatoes, kielbasa oh and i need contact solution and some lip balm. Well it's almost midnight - no choice but Wal mart..rock star parkin' right by the door (thanks Buddha for little favours) --- grab what I need, luck out on a fast line and i'm bounding for the exit with my two bags, then...

First of all let me veer off and say - i'm perfectly happy, but this instance was only my relative humanity and not a desire to stray...

then...in walks in a girl of my height with a helluva lot more knockers and other stuff, about 2 steps behind her is very possibly one of the finest specimens of Asiatic man I've seen in a damn long time. He was over 6 ft tall with a leonine head of hair, perfectly spaced almond eyes much shaped like mine and a distinct nose. He also had the leggy walk of a confident city guy...he was like Ogami Itto (of lone wolf and cub) but personified in a modern way - which is probably why he caught my attention. and before i could stop myself, it popped out my mouth - "damn, he's hella fine..." then i thought why'd he pick that white girl...

FUCKIN SHAME ON ME...

With my ego set aside, I say this...now I know how men of colour feel when they see me with a white guy. Seriously - I've never felt this pang of bafflement. So it's cool - in that split second, I got some insight into how others feel...But I don't feel towards them the heated anger i've felt from the eyes of strangers when my hands in my boyfriends...

09 Dec 2005: Lost and Found

Lost and Found

Freakin' Ridiculous...

As everyone has already figured out I deal with pastries cakes and gelato all day - well at least for 4 days of the week. Well Stuff gets left all the time...people just leave all kinds of stuff: jewelry, watches, flash drives, purses containing wads of money/prescription pills/ photos/ etc., cell phones, coats, sweaters, hoodies, last night it was acura keys and a blackberry...**shakes head** It's just baffling to me how people can leave all kinds of shit behind - one woman left her dry cleaning, briefcase and macy's bags from shopping and didn't come back for like 7 hours for it...this other woman left her daughter in the shop for 2 hours and came back and said, 'oh...there you are'...mind you - these are not some ghetto faboo bubbleheads...they ARE bubbleheads but they drive porsche cayennes and other such 5 figure vehicles. I mean come on, I can't believe that people would leave things much less their kiddos. The cafe next to us posted a sign that said if you leave your child unattended we will give them LOTS of espresso and gelato. Bwaa hahaha.

Hey if you wanna leave your man - just leave him in the lounge. At the end of the week if no one comes to claim him, they'll be taken to the compactor at no expense to yourself...

I have to admit each day is filled with small bliss. Last night i was fighting a fever and a cold yet today i hammered through work. People are so in love with edible Xmas decor --- I love how regardless of age, people get this childlike glint in their eye when they look at sugar trees hand forged out of icing...I still love to see couples who've been together for decades splitting a dessert as if it were their first date...I still love it when people look at chocolate concoctions and go oh wooooow --- oh yuuuuum...I still love it when people respect craft coz I'm sent out to explain something or take specifics on a cake...Today i was tempering waves of chocolate and a couple peered at me through the fishbowl doorway and i just smiled and kept on working. People are so fascinated with what I do because it implies playtime and enjoyment but requires concentration and skill...

I love what i do and i wouldn't change it. Someone once said to me yeah so what you make cakes and pretty things - as if it were insignificant. That shit doesn't fade me, because people say that they love their shit all day, but they don't pour the appropriate love and energy into it that they should. There will always be those greater and lesser than us, I will always just take pride in every beautified day.

meanwhile, the requests for cookies and fudge pour in...

07 Dec 2005: Wondertwins Kung Fu

Bwaa hahaha

Can I just say I wanna bitchslap someone with the bottom of my foot..however, the kung fu twins did me justice with the doc marten bitch slap to the vampire count...even after she lost that nibblin' canine she's still most kyoote

aka Vampire Effect in the US

What the hell am i doing watching movies...i'm supposed to be making gingerbread minis, can i feel less guilty coz i have laundry in the basket, yesterday I should have been makin' marzipan pieces but instead i went lookin for mags and out to mex food then nuSun went xmas shoppin ... I'm pretty much tapped out on xmas decor and such haha...

I already had a treacle of aggravation for valentines just thinkin' about valentines decor and cakes which will be in 2 short months yanno...I pretty much get tapped out on all the holidays just because I make decor back to back...i wouldn't call it bah humbug but it's happening....

I'll post pics of the xmas stuff i've been makin' in a couple days...

bleh.

06 Dec 2005: Alfies Foursome...Shape of a Survey

Form of a Survey

Wondertwins Activate...

This is alfies survey mayuuunnn and womayuuuun

FOUR JOBS YOU'VE HAD IN YOUR LIFE
1. Window Display for Macy's/Emporiums
2. Bartender @ Drag Queen Bar
3. Systems Project Manager for a fortune 100 joint
4. Pastry Chef

FOUR MOVIES YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER
1. Trainspotting
2. Iron Monkey/Kung Fu Hustle/Bride with White Hair
3. Wasabi/Four Rooms
4. Chronicles of Riddick

FOUR CITIES YOU'VE LIVED IN:
1. MTY
2. OAK
3. SDG
4. MNL

FOUR TV SHOWS YOU LOVE TO WATCH

1. How Clean is Your House
2. Iron Chef (the original)
3. Samurai Champloo
4. Discovery Health Channel

FOUR PLACES YOU'VE BEEN ON VACATION:
1. Florence/Verona/Venice, Italy
2. Luzern, Switzerland / Stockholm, Sweden
3. Boracay & Tagaytay Philippines
4. Manhattan, KeyWest, DC, my bed with PS2...

note: I only listed my faves, but let it be known that saucy does not like Munich and wasn't really feelin London...and was let down by New Orleans...and i've trekked about 50 more cities but that's just me.

FOUR WEBSITES YOU VISIT DAILY:
1. myspace, i'm here for roll call daily
2. yoshimotobanana.com
3. bride stuff - coz my best friend is gonna get married in July
4. google/mapquest/chef2chef.com

FOUR OF YOUR ALL-TIME FAVOURITE RESTAURANTS:
1. Street Food, all cities and all countries, holla at Pink's hotdog on Melrose, holla at street sago in Manila, holla at chowder bread bowls in monterey...
2. Koryo House, Berkeley Oakland Border
3. Purple Place for Dim Sum, Sunset District
4. Dulcinea, Pastry and Cafe, Makati Philippines...let me hear this spaniard bitch yell at her husband while I wolf down sans rival and hot chocolate...

FOUR OF YOUR FAVOURITE FOODS:
1. Tigers Tears, thai thin sliced beef with 12 kinds of hot spice
2. Rare Grilled Steak, almost anywhere
3. Strawberries,BlackBerries, MangoSteen, Green Mango, Jicama
4. Carpaccio sizzled with garlic sesame oil. Gimme Meat damnnit

FOUR SCHOOLS YOU'VE ATTENDED
1. preschool 1 and 2
2. elementary and high school
3. sadistic college then certs
4. culinary punishment

FOUR PLACES I'D RATHER BE RIGHT NOW:
1. on a snowy beach - east coast
2. on a windy beach - west coast
3. eating street noodles - any major asian city
4. makin love or makin cake...bwaaa hahhhahhah

----

if you have any questions or concerns please press 2, if you would like to hear the menu again press 0, if you'd like to repeat the previous press #, if you have your own shit to add press Comment !!!

there are those of you i love

there are those of you who make me laugh

but even in your pitiful attempts

you won't reach the ribbon

left by the flight ahead...

that's all

21 Nov 2005: Just have Fun (LA)

sneak onto rooftops...

and take pics with your friends...

get scared out your mind on a fire escape go to the temple of boom...and climb a ratchety ladder, only to find some friends smokin' a bowl and you turn around to see the funniest random shit ever on the wall...

you know i had a great time and a lot of stuff was cleared that needed to be cleared and time away was fun...jason - fabulous, linda - fabulous, sabrina - fabulous, jena - fabulous, nuke - hilarious...it was nice to be out of control for a minute and to get out of town - but after day 6, i need structure in my life. I can't even perceive how i would disappear overseas for 4-6 week jaunts of doing nothing...i just wanna say it's so nice to get up when you feel like it...i just wanna say it's nice to play chef in foreign kitchens...

we were completely pressed for time and i din't get to see Alfie - hey Alfie, as soon as the Mini Cooper S Convertible comes in - i'm your houseguest -- yanno. hahhahhaa.

i wanna thank my ghetto tourguides...

it was kewl meeting n.... dad and little sister...they are so kick back and natural - there is nothing forced about them:

can i just say how yummy it is to get mochi again...can i just say how much better boba is on the west coast...ahhh little things...me and dae had a great time...i can't wait to go another road trip again... i'm sure it will be soon

10 Nov 2005: not so unbelievable

not so UNBELIEVABLE...

it figures

the man i thought was a titan

turned out to be an emotional midget...

---

he was nice enough to get aggressive with me after my mouth got poked and prodded at the dentist - on a complete lack of sleep because i was in pain all night and on an empty stomach. THEN he calls ME hella fake. that's it, that's done. it's dead. it was just a pipe dream. i'm glad i followed my initial instincts - that he was too good to be true...

nonetheless - it's still over with n....but now it's over for all men - i'm fed up as hell. How dare he fucking talk to me like that. how dare Joseph talk to me like that like he has my back and all that shit - and then in the same treacherous breath turn around and reprimand me for having feelings. What a sanctimonious prick...

09 Nov 2005: WTF part III

WTF part III

why did i go into the cabinet and my sugar free peanutbutter is missing...why? nobody here watches their sugar intake but me

don't eat my josephs sugar free crunchy peanut butter. damnnit WTF!!!

Why are my ecko hipster sweats missing...WTF!!!

Who took my little white BEBE hoodie!!! WTF WTF WTF!!!

Why is the doggie a toesucka now!!! WTF.

I still need a haircut...i look like Saucy Kutcher!!! WTF.

Can't Sleep WTF

Can't Eat WTF

Ran out of Titanium White oil paint WTF

Nobody loves me, W.T.F.

I hurt everyone around me. Hella WTF!!!

My brother got diagnosed yesterday with thallasemia...some genetic blood disease tht runs in asian folks. So we made him a yummy homie meal of jalapeno bbq meatloaf, mashed potatoes and some sauteed greens and brocolli with roasted garlic. He's at the gym as we speak. Weird - he's like the healthiest most buffed person I know - now we all have to get tested. I'm sad for all of us...WTF!!

Again, where is my peanutbutter!!! wtf...

08 Nov 2005: i could...

I could...

I could fall in love with you

but you would just consume me

I could drown in ur eyes

but you would sever my every limb

I could write until Buddha stopped me

but you would say why did you stop at all

I could look you in that face i've known since before times

but you are determined to break me

I could smolder in your presence

but what could come of that - just death

I could die in front of you

but you'd mock me in that dying weakness

I could put it all out there

but you'd sway that bay swagger

and tell me

you're soft 'ma

and my heart would dwindle

to a wisp of smoke

as i exhaled.

Each time i genuflected emotionallly

you poked and prodded me verbally

don't say i'm sensitiva

coz when a wild uncaged animal presents its gut

it's to be petted, not to be shoved away

Perhaps this is the lesson of this lifetime

Perhaps we should get our shit together

because we still speak a different language

as eras go by

I could change the worlds as we know it

but you'd never really understand

would you.

07 Nov 2005: 2 days

2 days is like forever

i was sent home today coz my jaw is hurting...and you could see me physically wincing when i got around the freezers and such. it hurts and it hurts and there are other hurts. oh well i'll get over it, just like i get over everything. it sucks to be such a quick heal.

05 Nov 05: It evades me

sleep evades me...the last two nights i've gotten a total of maybe 7 hours sleep. Combine that with 8-9 hours per day on my feet in chef clogs then ending the night with another 5-7 hours in stiletto boots. The nights before that I got 5 hours of sleep a night max. I know I'm such a trooper for holding it down. but today - i'm pooped. Just plain old exhausted. I think for a change I might actually sleep hard. At least I hope so.

Tonight I worked all day in a haze since I stayed out last night til about 2am or so. I'm glad I went though coz nuSun and Keyla had fun and I think they both needed those drinks. After work I had committed to going to a baby shower for one of the girls at the shop. our GM L------ is so cool about this shit. Obviously I haven't had time to make anything since I've been running around with my head cut off and the sky is falling and all that shit. So I bought a premade cake and finished it. I actually ended up buying 2. The bakery hoe was like that's all we have, I said you can't just ice a cake in plain white because I have marzipan pieces and chocolate of my own. She said no - we're behind schedule. I said I don't give a shit about your schedule - as a customer what i'm asking you is if you can squeeze in a plain cake and charge me full price. That hoe said noooo. So I worked with the two and then built a tower of diapers with bows and Rocky brought in a stuffed puppy and stuffed pony for the top of it. It was a little faux cake built up entirely of diapers. It looked fabulous on the table with the food and cake surrounding it. I had originally told the GM I'll clock out and make up the chocolate time on Tuesday - coz I don't wanna lag on projects I should have done at home. She said why - just stay on the clock, but you can't spend 5 hours on marzipan. bwaa hahahah. That was really cool of her. She didn't have to do that.

Esther was rather gracious about everything and we genuinely love her. Frankly, she is one of the most beautiful preggo women I've ever seen. She was just genuinely happy to have all her friends and family around her - and I love seeing happy people. Her twin is just fucking hilarious - and I love to watch the two of them bicker - it's so entertaining...

I started thinking about it - There were over 25 women in that room - with random boyfriends and fiancees having beers in the garage. I don't even know 25 women in Arizona that I would invite to any kind of kitschy event like that. All my cousins are far away. My best friends are in Calie...bwaa hahaha - I guess it's good I don't do kitschy huh. LMFAO.

Pics will be posted later after L------ gives mee a copy tomorrow.

12 Nov 2005: Sparrows and Soul

Sparrows and Soul

I acquired the jasonrudolphpena piece...got poked in the butt inadvertently with a cello stick...ooops booty alert. I'm so tickled I just love this piece so much...it's almost scary...but i love it so...And if anyone out there gives a shit I want the natalie wood piece for christmas....

then we went to the Loft...

fun times - saw gia and tim and phat e and everyone. n.... had a drink, keyla had 3 and i had watah!!! there was a girl with a mullet in disguise taking everyones pics...i dunno - i let her. Some drunken girl came up to me and said - are you Asian - I said yes. She said ohhh ur so pretty. I said, erm thanks. Then she crouched down - like she was coppin a squat and said in my face - is that your real hair. Bwaa hahahhaha. I said yes. She said are you sure - I said yes I wake up it looks like this, I go to bed it looks like this, I blowdry or airdry - it looks like this. She said nu Uh. I said yes, fine fuckin' touch it. Dude - she really mussed my shit up good. I just laughed and shook my head and it all went back into place. She said OMG i hate you. bwaa hahaha.

This bitch. Bwaaa hahahahhah

01 Nov 2005: my day off

i woke up early by habit...

but it's my day off damnnit...

soo i'm goin back to bed

coz i can

maybe drop dead

and wake up in the next lifetime instead...

but i can't coz i have a lot to do

a lot to share

a lot to teach

so i think i'll stay awhile.

even if these tides are changing

in a fucking waterless dessert

31 Oct 2005: Myspace engagement nevasoba/ms thang

they met on here

then met

then fell

then fell in love

What I love about them is that even though they are together they are still their own individuals. What I love about them is that LOVE HAS NOT DULLED THEIR SENSE OF SELF, but it has actually increased it and they stride through life together. It is par for course that they are best friends, soulmates, lovers, equals and all of that so the natural succession of things has lead to forever.

and now they are engaged...

we are spaceland friends

and when i talk to them

i feel like a piece of me is always home

and i think they are the best...

congratulations daisy and jon...

**OMG OMG OMG**

congratulations

i just lub lub lub u guys

29 Oct 2005: Just Delete That Shit

i'm tired of this verbal hide and seek...

i hate it that he wrenched my heart a bit

just by sayin, " i miss you damnnit "

i hate it that he is such a brujo to my bruja...

so before i forget, or before he deletes it

this is a comment i posted on his page

it refers to a dream i had...

---

10/28/2005 9:54:00 PM

i suppose you want to know
but...
i don't think so
i...
thought perhaps i could tell
but my pen on that paper fell
stabbing, oozing ink
telling what
i had dreamt
one night
after
you

i suppose you'll let me know
if...
but then you wouldn't
would you?


i suppose i'd rather
just...
scald myself
than tell

---

to be honest i'm surprised he even approved the comment - as fascist as he is about what goes on and off his pages as he has become servient to the drama of the girls around him...we talked one night and there was something just so damn sincere and vulnerable in his voice - i became haunted. to the point that that night i dreamt...

The dream was fast and blurry but bright like a wong kar wai movie. I kept hearing bubbly noises behind me. I could feel a faint rumble under my feet...i could smell stenchy travellers and dead cigarros...

I was packing and unpacking repeatedly and hurriedly as if I were running late and I had no idea where my destination is...I felt a distinct excitement but an even more pervasive sense of wonder.

I was on a boat or ship of some sort and a girl of some sort was trying to borrow shoes while i was standing at an espresso bar. I know it was the fall. It smelled like fall. I had a tiny suitcase filled with nothing but shoes. She kept speaking to me in Italian at a ridiculous clip...Once I started to get annoyed with this signorina --- I realized exactly where I was - I was on the ferry from Dover to Calais...I looked down at the little mules on my feet and laughed coz I was en route to paris in shoes that wouldn't stay on. I slam my espresso and walk towards the starboard doors because I like to watch the water go from cold to warm on the english channel. As I walk down the hall I see Joseph David sauntering down that hallway with a half cocked grin. I pause but keep walking and the sun is filtering through the doors behind him. I just let out the moist boisterous laugh and run towards him and literally run out of my shoes. I jump up to him and he catches me and I wrap my legs around his waist. I say okay okay you fucker - I love you. He laughs and says you barefoot brat and kisses me all over my face...and bites my bottom lip. I squeeze harder with my legs and I hear 2 places in his spine crack (towards the tailbone)...I feign shock and Say I broke your Back!!! In the sweetest voice I've ever heard he says, " no mama you didn't... "

I could feel his hand on the small of my back and then i woke up.

---

I even stopped midcake to write it down on a scrap of paper. I just couldn't bear the thought of letting such a dream drift away...

---

The entire dream just stayed on instant replay all that day.

At first it was enticing to me

Then it just bothered me

---

what does it matter...nothing will come of it right. but why do i feel so sad right now...just plain old sad...

28 Oct 2005: I give up

I give up

i'm tired of waiting...

i'm off to bed...

perhaps i'll dream again

of the ferry from dover to calais...

and the pavements of paris thereafter

28 Oct 2005: Hey Epademik

Hey Epademik...

Hey Epademik...it was most fun at dinner - you are the best and a living reminder that the pursuit of what we love as a career is the only choice in this short short life. I can't wait to come out for the wedding next month coz it's gonna be grizzzzeat. You will always have my respect as on creative soul to the other...and as a friend. You've been such a friend to us - and always will be and I look forward to meeting the Loveliscious Linda...Thank you for my CD - coz you know what always sits in the 3 disc player - oh yes, Epademik...the fresh squeezed Emcee Esquire of L'orange County...howz dat?

26 Oct 2005: Halloweenie and Balls

Halloweenie Cakes

I don't know how I feel about theme cakes...

I've only put out a few cakes. Chocolate and White Chocolate Cakes topped with a tinted clear glaze and then the chocolate design on top. So then I piped out the dorky little spiders and put an almond on their back. and on the other I popped in a boo chocolate with a white ghost...to be honest - i like the little tiny ones best. The bulk of them went out in the promo baskets for the media..

The GM said she wanted to make little roche ice cream balls with a raspberry center. I just thought roche BALLS sounded too funny - so i asked what is Ball or Round in Italian - and she looked it up and said Sfere...so there it is - Lampone Roche Gelato Sfere, compliments of Saucy. The desert is about the size of a baseball - these are cute even though they look a bit like knockers...I have to admit - even if they are quick to make, it's tough going - coz I have to create the ball then blast freeze it - then yank it out and dip it in hot gianduja type chocolate - haha tricky tricky tricky. But...if i were to choose a dessert - this would be the one.

I've no time to make a halloween costume. Mom and Lola have decided to bail for Manila in time for Todos Los Santos...and they will be gone for about 2 months so we did a lot of running around instead of me locating some carvable foam...oh well. There's still this weekend. We'll see how work and school go coz the costume should be pretty easy but i do need time.

Speaking of school...I'm tired of some of those people. They ask stupid questions because they don't listen. I think that's impolite towards the facilitator of the segment. I also think those bitches are simple in their fuckin' heads - the ones who ask the same question in an alternate matter thinking that they will get the answer they perceive as correct. I finally busted out this one stubborn barhag and said what you are talking about is totally irrelevant to what we are studying. The verbiage of what we are learning is legalise therefore it is not logical - it is applicable. she prolly opens her legs even more than she opens her mouth. You don't get a higher grade for "participation." All this shit is pass or fail. What a dullard.

18 Oct 2005: Doctor of Patisserie - Saucy PH.D

This has happened for the last 6 weeks. I get called in on my dayoff coz of special requests for cakes. It's so funny coz our GM feels bad when she calls me - but it doesn't bother me one damn bit. I always say before I bail on sunday - just call me if I need to kill an order. haha.

I just got another voicemail..Channel 3 came by to televise and they gawked and filmed the cakes - the GM gave me the heads up - coz this means double custom orders until christmas. bwaa hahahha

And so again it happened today. But it's for M.Williams - they finally had their baby girl and he's so excited he needs a theme cake. I will work on the marzipan pieces tonight while I'm at kill grill but I'll build the bulk of the decorations this evening. His wife is so lucky - he only gets the best for her and his mother in law. And so I'm off. I'll be at kill grill after sundown - but for now I have to put on my apron and garde mange some mango flowers...

**two thumbs up**

I had an optometrist appointment today - my eyes are SHOT - hahaha they dropped another 100 pts, that's the bad news. The good news is he gave me 2 pair free of the new monthly disposables to "try out." I'm the only one in my family that has to wear glasses - this sucks haha. Next spring, I'm going to get lasik as a birthday treat to myself.

14 Oct 2005: Cake Call

Hell Customer 1

alked to T - regarding a pretty big chocolate cake. She had all kinds of crazy specs - dark chocolate glass, with artsy white chocolate 'jackson pollock' splashes and dots but not too many dots, no more than 10...and just a touch of meringue and a few raspberries but subtle. hahaha. So I made 2 versions, well that night after I left she called back to specify no MORE than 10 white chocolate dots. Bwaa hahahhaa. So I made a 3rd version because T- was reallly thinking that she was going to be uber picky...I said does it matter, she's got 3 choices now and if she doesn't want any of them, then someone will buy them out of the case. The general manager nodded and I didn't give it a thought. So 6pm came and amazingly no one was around but me - I showed her the cake, she said exquisite - perfect, just like i wanted. She was as pleasant as fuckin' cotton candy. I expected a little more snarl to her, but she just purred. haha.

Hell Cake 2.

"I want a mango and peach cake, and I want decorations, but not too high I want them to sit low. hahahha." After the whole chocolate incident - this wasn't shit. So I cut half a mango paper thin and then folded it so that it was bowed every other petal but the long petals hung over the edge of the cake - I would have been happier with a few pieces of dragon fruit - but it's a little hard to find around here. The GM called her to confirm the cake and the customer said, i'm sure no matter what your chef does - it will look great - haha. She picked it up and ooh-ed and aah-ed and said ohhh it's marvelous - just marvelous. bwaa hahaha.

Double Cake...

Rock-oh's got a double birthday tomorrow...Snaps cake which will have superman font, some chocolate buildings and a piece of kryptonite made out of sugar...and then there is Mandas cake which will be a chocolate vanilla joint - with a cinderella carriage on top made out of chocolate and i'm making the fat mouse and the skinny mouse out of marzipan. I'm just gonna hammer this out while i'm watching films tonight. I had to rework and recolour all of the marzipan today and that alone took 2 hours. I finished the bulkier pieces of chocolate as well as 6 other cakes. Rock-oh'z funny - he said let me challenge your ass a little bit, I want this this and that - and then he set me to task. bwaa hahahahha.

My other Asian Mommei...

The owner stopped by this afternoon to say hi and coz she missed us girls. She also stopped to comment how my cakes are becoming more popular and are 'just beautiful' and where do i come up with my ideas etcetera. She also looked pleased in sayin' that I obviously enjoy what I do, coz it shows in everything I do and how I treat the people around me. That's really dope to be recognized. I still believe only the humble improve, but once in awhile that pat on the back and recognition reinforce that i made the right decision in starting a second career. It's absolute truth that if you love what you do - you flow easily through work like swimming through water as opposed to running against the wind.

420 cake.

Why did rachael order a cake and in the special request section it says 'leaf' -and I said leaf? and she said YAH - a marijuana leaf!!! ahahahha. This is the same girl I bump into at nordstroms and we end up sitting in shoes just talking for an hour - hahaha. She came in today and said OMG i'm so glad to see you today - guess what, juicy couture bathing suits are on sale TODAY!!! haahhaha, I love that girl. Coz not only is she a slave to the boots like me, she also has a memory like a steel trap. Last time I saw her - I got these boots:

Frog not a Prince

Julias Joint. This was the final order of the day - it is a raspberry lemon cake and on top they want a lily pad with a frog on it (marzipan) and on the lily bad in chocolate i'm supposed to write Happy Birthday Old Man!!! And I said old man? She said Yah, I call my dad old man. Bwaa hahahha.

The custom requests are getting weirder and weirder. Some shit I just straight decline. Lorenzo came in tonight saying he needed 100 mini cakes for his friends wedding next month. I told him no way - I can't do it, I have to be in LA for a wedding. Ha ha, his Italian ass is going over my head to talk to L----. Yah right, that won't work, I'm already scheduled off the week before thanksgiving. I don't even want to think about thanksgiving and christmas - it's going to be insane. Plus we're opening up location 2, so that's going to be bonkers. I have to hire someone soon and I don't want to. I'm pretty comfortable with these 10 hour days, drinkin' down matcha tea and riding it out. But once we have back to backs - I'll have to juggle.

Miniature cakes are also berserko.

I miss Katie and Kae. I'll make Katie an offer. I'll see if she'll do it part time, just building and stuff, between her and M------, I think the three of us could shake it. Plus, real estate class starts on Monday - it's 4 hours a night monday, wednesday and thursday - so my days are going to get longer. It's just a technicality for me to get licensed and it's just 400 dollars, but shit -- it's not the money, it's the time that I need. I'm really hesitant to hire any cordon bleu primadonnas. I'll go see chef J on tuesday - and see if she has any suggestions. I'm from cordon bleu - but i'm definitely no primadonna.

10 Oct 2005: Favourite of the Day

Favourite of the Day

I love this picture - it just has the colours of that movie Amelie...I need a picture like this - but with my big chef hat, my chef jacket, a ripped denim mini skirt and crazy knee boots. hahahhaha.

Weird thing today: exploding car going south on Hwy 17. Weird shit. It wasn't even hot today why do cars always explode on the side of the road in arizona. I don't remember ever seeing exploding cars until I moved here. Like 2 weeks ago I saw a station wagon on the side of the road just engulfed in flames. On graduation day - we saw a Uhaul on the 202 in like super duper high heat flames...

Doppelganger - we saw Casey Kulers body double in the magazine section of Barnes and Noble. Freaky. I think it's a sign that n.... needs to call Kuler...

I have 23 views today on my blog. Weird - who's the snoop doggy poop on this one - coz I only have a dozen or so readers. I have like 22,000 views other than that. I think i'm just gonna leave my profile classic for awhile - even though the fabulous Carrie Rawks of HIMstress fame has offered to do it for me...

I framed the boything - Everytime I knew he was a few steps near me - i would squeak a fart out and then the sales people would look at him funny - i am EVIIIIIIIL.

I found the dopest folding keyboard seat for the gelato makers at the shop - a casio PBench - they better love me for this. I also figured out a good ratio on the clear glaze for cakes and such. Fuckin' great we won't have to order the Italian shit. Whew. Tomorrow is Kill Grill - Midnight Brunch - it oughtta be fun. See all you Grillheads there tomorrow.

Okay time for a shower and then this new movie.

Goodbye my fans who read my blog - and if you want to leave a comment muhfuqqas - the worst I'll do is pie you in ur smarmy face.

07 Oct 2005: WTF Day Part II

Now granted, the temperatures have cooled down by about 7-10 degrees around here. But still, that only brings us to the mid 90's at best. This of course makes me happy, coz I don't feel peaked and faint just walking across the parking lot to the shop. It is even comfortable. However, I saw no less than 3 women today eating lunch in denim jackets, on OUTSIDE patios. Have they lost their bearings? 90's does not equal denim jackets. I mean it's still like 88 degrees at night. I mean come on ladies - it's not that serious. WTF.

I felt rushed and even though I accomplished a lot, I need to be able to do MORE! I need better work shoes. People are makin' fun of my baby doc martens calling me punk chef. I checked out some chef clogs - but they are 100 bucks. Now, I am even willing to spend 300 on shoes if I can try them on. I hate to buy shoes that are that plain for so much without having tested them before...WTF!!!

Quite a few people have been telling me lately that I'm losing more weight, or I look different, or there is something different about me or my face looks different. I'm not different - my hair is longer and I'm wearing my wire rim glasses coz i'm too lazy to go to the optometrist...The italian dude at work (complete with sicilian accent) says i look sexy in glasses and it makes him imagine how naughty i am in bed...freakin' hornball. WTF!!!

Why did dude order a strawberry vanilla moussecake...with a pink zebra design on top...i should have taken a picture. That was fruitier than a fruit roll up...WTF!!!

I'm a bit tired today. I'm too young to be tired. WTF.

The little wood piece on my italian easel is fixed. And the Carpenter did it for free - that's a YIPPEE WTF

JDT is out of control. WTF...

That movie Mail Order Wife is HELLA out of control. The part where she says you get fuck out 'kay.--- blew me off Hyders leather sofa...WTF

06 Oct 2005: Today is a WTF Day!!!

I came home and my profile was NAZI edited by Myspace. WTF.

I walked outside and my sister told me - hey the homeowners association emailed us and said there is a MOUNTAIN LION in our GATED community. WTF.

I made a grip of cakes and the case wouldn't drop temperature. WTF.

Albertson's called back after my complaint some weeks ago and said to come by and ask for Rich and they would give me a gift card. WTF!!!

Tommy Lee (Methods of Mayhem and Motley Crue fame)...was across the street havin' sushi and a drink, and he really does rock a bucket cap. But he did not dig on gelato. WTF.

My hair is growing too long and it looks like Ashton Kutchers. WTF!!!

I can't find my superlow grey dkny hipsters. WTF WTF WTF.

Doppelganger the movie started fabulous and ended hokey. WTF.

Asian Sensation food ads are getting on my nerves. WTF.

Those sequined purses annoy me. WTF.

Why is everyone so aggravated lately. They look like they have a demitasse spoon of shit plopped under their nose. WTF.

Bow down. LOL

Bow Down

You Are Balanced - Believer - Empowered

You feel your life is controlled both externally and internally.

You have a good sense of what you can control and what you should let go

Depending on the situation, you sometimes try to exert more control.

Other times, you accept things for what they are and go with the flow

You are a true believer in luck, fate, and karma

You believe that life is a game of chance - not a game of skill.

You either consider yourself very unlucky or very lucky

No matter what, you don't feel like you can change the hand you were dealt

You have a good deal of power, but you also know the pecking order

You realize that working the system does get you further.

You know who to defer to and who to control.

When it comes to the game of life, you play things flawlessly.

http://www.blogthings.com/thethreedimensionluckandpowertest

30 Sept 2005: Inane Hilarity

If...

If i have to listen to one more set of people spewing off as if they were so so clever when all they are echoing is regurgitated garbage...I will dice them like a kung fu movie. If I have to see any glimmer of self grandiosity because they have perceived money --- i'm going to kick them in their cock garage. If i MUST witness anyone biting and biting and biting -- i'm going to pull their teeth out and make a necklace of it. If I have to see anymore perversions of beauty and aesthetics - I will simply vomit oil paint and turpentine - because I was classically trained you dumb motherfuckers.

I chef out of choice - not out of necessity...

Now...in this putrid life, there are few joys, and there are even lesser truths - the truth is this. The world owes you NOTHING - absolutely mothernotafuckinthing nothing. So take ur self entitlement - and shove it in your feral crotches. Take your mannerless self and the mannerless spew that popped out of your wombs and get out of my sight. And what you perceive as taste - is only in your mouth. What you perceive as couth - is actually unclean...and if you think your net worth is your self worth, consider this: YOU ARE FINANCED WITHIN AN INCH OF YOUR LIFE...think of it as 2 paychecks away from a monkly existence...perhaps when faced with a void, you will re examine what you swallowed so easily as your absolute truth

This is my end note...

With each day that passes, I find people more and more disenchanting. It is a constant battle for me to encourage daily, not only by being a living example but with positive truths. I have to balance my creative expressions as well as my managerial flexing. I can say, that I do none of that at the expense of others. I sleep well each night - because I do not victimize. I do not further the careers and emotions of others in hopes that they become reliant or indebted to me in any manner. I do not blame my shortcomings on the actions of others - I just reach a little further - even if it means physical exhaustion, or a late night considering different approaches.

Stirs of Saucerina

Some motherfuckas...didn't know shit about shit - until they got a glimpse. But keep this in mind - the glimpse was not made possible by you. I love to see people who perceive themselves as tasteful and erudite, when in truth they can't even prove that to themselves, they can't even stand the very stench of their own bullshit - and often have ONE dirty habit that is so dirty it is universally appalling. Keep playin' and I'll pop the trunk. I used to know someone like that, his mouth said dolce gabbana...but assemblages often equalled dolce goodwill. Bwaa hahahha. Very few people have innate taste. Most Tastes are just borrowed, more often than not - they are stolen out of envy or coveting...ahahha. Perhaps I should get rabies shots - since i'm being bitten all the time...I'm no fucking style maven - but at least I am myself. I am always myself.

Volume does not equivocate Brilliance...

Just because someone says shit enthusiastically and in a robust loud and maybe even with a tinge of faux enthusiasm - doesn't make the thought original, or right, or even remotely interesting. It just means that you are lying to yourself and trying to sell some bullshit.

Low Carb Liberals...

I don't want to hear anymore crap spewing out of little fuckheads in kompressors and infinities acting as if they give a rats ass about anyone in need of education, equality or even enlightenment. You can't possibly be a liberal if you are anti poor, anti gay, anti fashionista, anti women, anti whatever based on the physicalities, anti scene, anti free expression. If you are non open to anything born of free thought u are NOT a liberal. DNA stands for DO NOT ANNOY saucy. Stop being fashionably liberal - you wouldn't know liberal if it queefed on ur face.

The Dull Eyes of the Senseless...

I like this blank zombie like look that certain people get. I couldn't quite figure it out --- it was feigned interest in their surroundings. Bwaa hahahhaa. I was so tickled by the realization that I had to go into the big freezer so I could let out a roaring laugh. I've never had to pretend to be interested in shit. Because I never did care for the approval of others.

22 Sept 2005: Custom Cake Blitz

I have no idea what is in the air lately...

I have being doing one custom cake after another and also keeping the case full and dealing with the garde mange...I've been pretty hazy about posting the stuff I've been making but today I decided to start documenting again. Considering the time pressure and the size of my work area and the constant distractions I'm holding up pretty well...

Chloe...

This is the chloe birthday cake...how lucky is a 4 year old to get a bubble gum gelato cake as her heart desires - however I did convince her to put a smattering of strawberry in there for berry bubblegum flavor...It's so cute and rather pricey. Then again - I remember my birthdays as a child and I was allowed to pick whatever the hell cake I wanted decor and all... Everyone was crushing on this cake...it's just a clear glaze on top with a random swirl of strawberry sauce. I'm sure she'll love it.

Peanut butter vs. Bacio

This lady came on sayin' that she was going to have a dinner for such and such....so I let her sample a few things and she chose the bacio (gianduja chocolate) and peanut butter...I like how it came out I would really have loved to go bonkers with the height - but since it has to weather transport and has to fit the weirdo octogonal foam containers - I have to keep everything about 2 inches high. Bummer but necessary. I tried to redeem it with the gianduja drizzled over the top.

i will have more photos tomorrow - i only finished the tops of these 2. I have some mango things going tomorrow but i have the mango ribbons freezing overnight. I try to make everything edible that I throw on the cakes. This girl Kristen has ordered like 6-7 cakes over the last week, then she called this morning and ordered 3 for tomorrow. She must be just rollin' in paper to randomly order cakes...I must say I like her subtle charm and her somewhat petulant nature.

I was suffering all day because of the little needles that flew off the prickly pear - i kept finding them in my hands and apron and where my inner arm meets my shirt. It's such torture. The flavour of it faintly reminds me of chayote. That colour is so beautiful - I call it nina haagen fuschia. The cost is ridiculous on prickly pear - I mean really. Just ridiculous...I'll take a photo of it with my lame ass camera phone.

I should really just break down and buy a digi cam. Fuckkit I'll put it on my christmas list. Chef clogs, digi cam, flash drive, mac lipliner, blank canvas and an electric saw. hahaha. What a list. Oh and accesories for my up and coming mini cooper that I ordered. haha.

I'll be gone in november...

I have so much on my plate for november. Epademiks wedding - that's priority one. It will be fabuloso to see the lovebirds get married. I will also be making the heart shaped caramel apples and ribbons for the tabling. Secondly I have Esthers Baby shower cake It will be a 3 cube cake resembling building blocks and marzipan toys and roses. Third - Hyders Birthday Cake - I can't say what i'm making, coz it's gonna be a surprise and he might read it then it won't be one huh...Fourth - The Don Ed Hardy Store grand opening...I have a cake to do for them. I've got my heart set on a koi...But since i'm not going to be around - I think I'll build it in 3 pieces and koi piece out of tempered chocolate then layered with molding chocolate so it can weather a really active party. If I had the time, I'd do it out of sugar - but november is gonna be bonkers...

I miss making sugar pieces like I used to...

I can't wait for the bigger space...I just can't wait.

Did I mention I made a GINORMOUS lasagna for everyone. Personally I am happy with a nong shim noodle bowl - add hot peppers. But I think it's important to bring home made food so we can feel our humanity. It's been really weird at work - and I'm not the object of anyone's heated mouth. Strange - but I hate to see anyone suffer such scrutiny when it is hypocritical criticism. Oh well, the best I can do is discourage negativity by squashing it when it gets to me and to feed them as if I love them all. I must say all the hugs and praise I receive are genuine, so I'm a bit lucky afterall.

17 Sept 2005: Triple Bar

Casino...

I'll stab you in the eye with this ballpen ya fuckers...just playin! My sister talked me into going to the casino with her and mom and lola (that's grandmother for you non filipino peepoL) as well as her friend penny. Let me start off by sayin' I don't like gambling - I've never liked it, and even if I had a bajillion dollars I don't like the idea of gambling it away when I would rather spend it at the book store or art store. However, lola really digs it and as she is 83 my ass isn't going to say shit, I'm going to just walk along and make sure she doesn't mow anyone over with her walker. So Lola i playing back and forth on the dollar machines and then back and forth on the quarter machines and i'm just meandering around...Well mom storlls up and says hey try this one - you're really lucky, just use this 20 (coz she knows I refuse to use my own money)...so the 20 is going back and forth from 50 bucks and down to 3 bucks...and then bam - it gives up 360 bucks...hahahaha. Imagine that. I told mom here's 180 bucks - you get a pimps take sine you gave me the play money. Funny shit. I played the 16 bucks left in the machine and then bailed. At the valet I said do you boys have my pinto ready (laughing my ass off)..and this pretty buttery white boy says, c'mon now - you are too foine for a pinto honey...bwaa hahaha

...doggie update...

max is doing well and is losing his puppy teeth. He's gained 10 lbs and is now about 15 weeks. He also can catch the frisbee from about 2 feet away. he's sitting, rolling over, playing dead, shaking hands, and fetching on command. He's rather spoiled and prefers the bed to the kennel, but who in their right mind, canine or not, wouldn't.

...chef forums...

someone posted a barbecue question and i answered how I would handle it. And a lot of those chef boys tried to dismiss what I had to say. I'm not going to start a forum war and shit - that's a waste of my time. But i will say this, i don't like all that cheffing machismo and flexing. This is exactly why I went into patisserie...I don't like all this huffing and puffing and everyone acting like they know all of gods cookery between here and buddhas heaven. I only offered up my technique - I didn't offer it up to be dismissed by boychefs - some of whom are still in school. So many boy chefs have a gross imbalance of their talent reality and their perceived talents. Everyone thinks they are gonna be the next fucking hot network chef shit. I am going to write a cookbook, but to preserve the plates we ate not for glory. Fuckin' Pablo Picasso did it...as an homage to his upbringing not to glorify his cooking abilities. He cooked for the joy and beauty of it. I just shake my head at all that crap --- it's a waste of time and a total lack of enlightenment. Funny thing is - I cook constantly...and there are more than a handful of people on my friends list who will co sign this for me, I cook for the joy of it. It's not a show for me. And everything I table is emptied. Ditto for my pastries. Ditto for my chocolates. When people ask me for cooking lessons or recipes - I share everything I've got. But, I keep on and keep learning and keep altering...because there is always room for that, coz the humble improve.

All i know is the architect came in regarding the second location we're opening in a few months. And asked me - what do you want in your work area...I'm to have a temperature controlled room with the tables at the height and specs I want and the equipment I want is being brought in. That's why I stay where I'm at - it's creative freedom and no questions for what I need. Lucky them i'm respectful of the budget...and I don't abuse such privileges.

holy shit it's late. and i have to be at work in 6 hours. Yuck.

Night night.

15 Sept 2005: My recycled Soul

In a Past Life...

You Were: An Arrogant Warrior Where You Lived: Spain. How You Died: Natural causes.

that's some funny shit...I wouldn't mind kicking peoples asses repeatedly with a wretched evil laugh and then later be rewarded with a death by natural causes...

ahhh, my cakes are still selling like crazy and much to my chagrin, I came into the shop to a nearly empty case. And despite raising the prices by 25% still does not hinder the purchase of them. All I have to say is that the people who do purchase the cakes seem to have a lot of leisure income...bully for them --- i'm not a hater, coz they are keeping me busy. About 3 weeks ago I went to working days - meaning 9-5, I was working 2-10pm...at first I hated it, but now I like it, it passes quickly and quietly allowing me to work at a better pace.

What I do NOT like --- is that 5pm traffic. What the hell is WRONG with people. I watched this one woman in a brand new Mercedes Benz just picked her nose like her shit was on redial and then FLICK her snotbullets out of the sunroof...That is so disgusting. This is exactly why I constantly wash my hands and I am very leery of people touching me and shit. That is so fuckin' hilarious all up in her bougie import car and flickin green ones into the sky. that Icky BoooHoooch...

...nobody can hate you like YOU hate you...

L------ told me a story about how a customer referred to T---- as a hot guy and was asking after him and blah blah blah...So L------- told T----- that some girl referred to him as hot, well, I guess she just blatantly hit on him and he did his best to shrug her off. Well, I've never seen the girl but she came by today and I missed her by a nano second coz I was positioning cakes. Well, T---- came in and I said hey that girl who called you HOT was in here - you just missed her...and he said - GET this...who that fat ugly dumpy one. AS IF he were so fine and shiny and new. Ummm, okay he is beyond hirsute, borderline serial killer looking with that unblinking glare, and he self admittedly said he needs to lose at least 40 lbs. So WHERE does that arrogance come that he can label a girl as ugly scary etcetera...It is a displacement of self hate. That is clear.

Even if a guy is not my type I will not hammer him down like that. That is someones son, brother, friend, uncle...something. And they are entitled to a sense of living withOUT criticism by me - that's for sure. I will verbally beat a hoe (male or female) down -- if they try to put me in some cookie cutter, cross the lines of racism or sexism, or if they are just fetish freaks. But I see in his eyes that he is in pursuit of something so high, higher than himself: intellectually, physically, stylistically and financially. My worth is not tied to money and unlike him I would never say, "I only like her because of her money, she's not even my type: she is too wide..." Mind you this girl was all of a size 8. Wide is hardly the word for her. AND he is not missing any damn meals. I will not bicker or fight with him anymore. I only shake my head at someone who is so emotionally shoddy, that his desperation dribbles on like drool.

I don't hate many things anymore. However, I will say this -- the things I hate I hate with such violence and vehemence, I have to meditate into myself to prevent acting on my rage. I let time level the playing field until these people are put near me, so they can be served.

Some people have anxiety attacks, or tears, or melancholy sadness. I suffer from a complete loss of urge control and it takes every cell in my body to keep from choking the trigger of my rage. And when I'm in a rage the whole world feels it - it's like a wall of hatred flows from me and people back away even when I am silent. I used to just chuck cases of glasses and the tinkling would soothe me for like 42 seconds. That doesn't work anymore - so I just wait and wait and wait, until my breathing subsides.

To be honest I kind of like that rage. It is uber human to me. I'm tired of the generic polite cheerful responses that we are all programmed to use. I'm tired of that quasi-optimism that never works on me...I can smell when shit is only good on the surface. I mean seriously what the fuck is wrong with people. Change is hostile, Deconstruction is violent, Improvement is often painful and difficult. So why the FUCK are people expected to have this happy go lucky stepford citizen attitude. Bleh - i'm deaf to that shit.

nothing is forever...

not even family

09 Sept 2005: Microwave update

...just a random entry to defrost my head...

Weird Event of the Day

It was a little before 6pm and I'd just dropped off the gelato I promised to Samurai Comics (hey Mohrya {sp} u rock)...and I knew all the highways were rush hour clogged --- so I took 7th to McDowell and then I was gonna cut over to Washington to get to Tempe and see n....It was a slow but steady pace and about 3 ft in front of the car this tinted piece of ghetto truck just rolls out onto the street, totally cutting me and the car to my left off. All the cars behind me are honking, the car next to me is honking and I'm waiting to honk since people are license to carry loaded here and my swift kick isn't as fast as a bullet. So this is a big truck - some kind of ford thing....and it wasn't so much old as it was ghetto, the owner of the VEHICLE comes out the store and is looking at his car in the middle of the road. WHAT THE FUCK...so i guess his parking brake didn't work. After I surgically removed my hand from the horn, I was really grateful that I wasn't going even 3 miles faster an hour or I would have got hit from the right side by that truck.

Pervasive Thought of the Day

The car I just ordered. The mini cooper S convertible. Yes folks I'm still driving stick, and I probably won't stop. I wasn't in any particular hurry to get a car, I mean shit who wants a car payment. But I put the holding deposit to request all the little special things. I guess getting a cooper isn't like gettin' other cars. You go to the dealership, you test drive it...you look, then there is a waiting list to request one, unless you buy what's on the floor which is usually all of 2 or 3 cars - coz the other 4 on the lot are demos. The difference in price is only 2K so I requested a 2006 Metallic Baby Blue, Dark Blue leather seats with orange stitches and Dark Blue upholstery - I kept the chrome touches and steel patina and upgraded a lot of stuff. Why? Coz I can. Why? Coz I work hard and maybe I wanna smoke a blunt with the wind in my hair. Why? Coz it's cute and you can only get the disco orange OR cool blue in an "S" convertible. The bad news is...the earliest I get the car is December ad the latest is March (so either Christmas or my birthday) but worth the wait since they are only selling like 400 coops a year in phoenix. The good news is everytime I see a convertible I get so tickled. I get this little grin. But then I get over it in about 7 seconds.

Work...

I'm working a lot and I'm not working a lot. I want to start some new projects like truffles and chocolates, however there is no budget. Apparently our food costs are off the hook or something, yet somehow T----- got a raise. We'll see. I'm keeping my options open. There's a lot of spots available for pastry chefs and I'm not putting all my pate a choux en une basket...yanno.

in General...

I'm perved swerved but never unnerved. I don't like most people, I do't like most situations and even stilettos don't bring me the faintest enjoyment...I'm trying to maintain a zen attitude about shit and be in nothingness and just face the work at hand. I'm trying to be really enlightened about the foibles that are blatantly thrown towards me. I feel nothing but disdain at shoddy behaviour. This pretty much sums it up: If you insist on saying and acting as if my shit smells, ensure that you've washed and wiped your ass very WELL.

Projects...

I have a 2 year project I'm obsessed with. To be annnounced later. I have like 3 paintings I want to do. I need to just get a corner saw and make my own shit. I hate buying canvasses.

Tete a Tete a Tete a Mardi's

Kill Grill is fun. I'm glad this came to fruition. I'm surprised how much everyone loved the korean ribs I brought, and everyone killed the spicy cucumber and sticky rice I brought as well. Did I mention the chicken Wings got murq-ed as well...So after talking food and food and food. Phat E and I decided next week is Nacho Grill. We'll Grill the tomatoes, jalapenos etcera and throw Salsa. I will also rock a marinade on some skirt steak and E will leave a crock pot full of queso...and on and on and on...Everyone is jazzed. I love everyone at these Tuesday gigs, everyone is genuinely friendly and genuinely interesting.

end note.

i still need a vacation and i still don't have the time to take it.

26 Aug 2005: I think I'm in Lub

The twins at work started talkin' bout schnoodles and maltipoos...

Good Lawd I want a maltepoo - why not...if it doesn't look like an ewok it looks like chewbacca...damn things are sickeningly cute. hah

then to my mortification...the twins din't know what an Ewok was...

YIKES

16 Aug 2005: Creative Exhaustion

The more beautiful I make the cakes, the more they are admired, the more they sell. Oh how the staff laugh when the customers ask...are those plastic??? are those cakes fake and for display only...Hahahhaa no dummy cakes yanno. I really started making them uber byootiful so no one could imitate what I do, I also started making my own hand cut tips so that the pastry bags are almost too difficult to handle...

Thankfully...I have escaped scathing criticism.

Vincenzo is in from Italy...he is the consultant for the dessert lounge. Albeit he had many criticisms for the way many things have been handled regarding the gelato...he only told me Molto Bella...very beautiful, regarding the cakes. Then today I hammered out 8 more cakes and he said - Molto Benne...How lucky I am - coz as dope as Vincenzo is, if I was fuckin up he would have told me so. He didn't even say ONE word when he saw that I adjusted all of his cake recipes...I was sweating when he was looking through the book, but he let me off easy. I even bamboozled him into a lesson on cutting kiwi into palm leaves - he's gonna show me on Wednesday...so kewl.

I can't stand that beeyotch M-----, she needs to know her role. She'll never make a cake behind me again. Put money on that shit.

I have so much shit to do: Personal paintings, more writing, some organization stuff...and I haven't gone to the gym in a week and I feel like shit, and I still wanna test some recipes of my own. I also need a little mini vacation. Sigh. I wish I was going to Seattle with n.... next week coz I really need to get away.

ps) these old rich dudes need to stop hitting on me and take their saggy ass nuts somewhere with their spooky ass silicone injected dates

12 Aug 2005: Mom Sed There's a Ghost

So it's like 11pm last night and n.... says let's go to WallyMart and get a damn anime. I sed okay I need contact solution. So mom's chillin and I say mommy we're going to the store, she sed okay bye bye...

Uneventful Drive, we're there. Grab Video and Bausch and Lomb crap and 2 diet rockstars. Uneventful Drive, we're Home...

Mom is on the sofa saying she's still damn full from the chicken enchiladas and spanish rice I made and that she heard tapping on the window and she thinks there's a ghost in the house. Then she said she heard a cat and pointed at the floor and said it sounded like it was there. I start laughing, and go oh c'mon mom the house is like 3 weeks old. We haven't financed any fucking ghosts. She said,"i'm telling you i got scared and woke up your sister..."

So I think about it and I'm like whatever doing my like 15th load of ginormous enormous gigantor laundry...and i hear a knock knock knock...creaaaaak. And I look down and the laptop is in the middle of the floor. Hahahahhaaha

Mom had heard the damn instant messenger people loggin' on and off.

So she got up to get a diet pepsi and I told her

it's not a ghost mother -- it's stupide aol...

Mom be chattin with the spirits and stuff

bwaaa hahaha

fuckity fartknocker

hahahha...

ps) my grandmother knocked over my italian painting easel that holds up to 8ft in canvas. kill me.

09 Aug 2005: Flash Update

work...

i'm promoted i guess...i'm manager one night a week of the shop which is hella weird coz i'm the pastry chef so my time is best spent keeping an eye on cakes and chocolate and such. i will have to hire someone in the fall coz i want to continue making chocolate pieces...and sugar pieces etcetera. so the kids (gelateria staff) are all tickled coz i'm a manager, although little alexis said yarrrrrgh ur a manager, i'm scared...i said why alexis i like you i don't even pay attention to you coz you handle your shit...she said well you work harder than hard so we all have to keep up with you. i told her just relax kiddo, no one is as hard on you as you are on urself...**laughs** everything is going smoothly and the cakes are selling like well --- hotcakes. People are even buying full size cakes and eating them in the lounge. This one dude even bought a gelato sculpture i made for like 14 bucks and ate it alone. bwaa hahaha.

We have regulars and groups and couples. I find the older couples most endearing. They order a scoop or two and lounge under the misters and talk to each other as if they are still young and dating when in all truth they've been married for a few decades. The kids are a happy bunch of brats who don't really need jobs as their rims are prolly worth more than my car but the key is they have fun. There is some racial tension in the spot, but I try to diffuse it and tell the ones with gripes to open their mouths and tell people when they swerve over lines because I think it's unfair to be angry with others when they are unaware of their oblivion. I've had to remind the girls that others aren't psychic -- so tell them what's up so we can all communicate, we don't have to be in love with each other but we are responsible for communicating feelings and concerns...and if nobody can get along come get my brown ass and i'll facilitate. shit.

Mei is the dopest person ever. She owns the joint and still has the strongest work ethic of us all. Things always get done and she always expresses appreciation everytime whether it's big or small. And every weekend without fail even after a 12 hour day she brings food for all the staff and stocks the walk in with pizza and microwaveables so everyone can eat. When we are slammed she jumps right in and works side by side with all of us. She's rather glamourous you know. Even for a woman of 51 she has backlength hair and is a size 1 at most...she's always manicured and pedicured...but still I always yell Ciao Mama when she walks in...it really tickles her. I know she'll bonus all of us out who are loyal to the joint -- I told her it's only a matter of time until we go national...she said i hope so, i really hope so.

I love working for a mom and pop joint...I have so much freedom creatively and as for resources --- if I want anything, it's purchased without question. Very few Pastry Chef's get this treatment on their first gig I'm glad I made the decision to stay instead of becoming a bread monkey or taking a bit more money for less fuckin freedom.

kewl entrepreneurship...

Rocco is so dope, I love his chill attitude and I think everyone gives him too much shit. He's a total money and customer magnet --- I dunno what it is about him but whenever he's in the shop it just rains money and customers...so if he wants to chill in the back and let people self manage I have no qualms with that shit. I'm so happy for him - he's going to open an Ed Hardy (yes Don Ed Hardy the tattoo revolutionist) shop...It's going to be quite the event and hell yes i'm makin' the cake complete with koi and all...I told him he'll have to let me work 1 shift a week just to get a discount - coz the hats are 77 bucks and the jeans are near 200 bucks. haha.

As we grow - i hope it doesn't change - I like the mom and pop feel of how we all work together even though the outer shop looks like it's franchised...all i know is i'm invited...this is all gonna payoff, i just know it.

Funny haha today...

I stopped to get cigs @ the Shell place. the only place to go is the one near the Biltmore. I got out of work around midnight and grabbed a starbucks con panna in a can and a pack of squares. Dude was being polite I guess,

Shell Dude: Hello

Me: Hiya *yawning*

Shell Dude: Long night...

Me: Yah, I'm the pastry chef and the G...S...

Shell Dude: Ah...that's cool, you manage too?

Me: Yah, I guess I just do stuff huh

Shell Dude: That place is popular...

Me: Yah, you should come by it's yummy. Gelato is great man

Shell Dude: Really?

Me: Yah, for reals and all the kyoote girls hang out there

Shell Dude: LOL, you like girls???

Me: no i'm just not a hater...and lots of girls means more customers...

Shell Dude: well, you're a kyoote girl urself

Me: Aw Lawd, Thanks...

...pan to me bailing outside into my car...yipes - a stranger called me kyoote...weird. After working all day, i'm not feeling so kyoote. I had chocolate smeared all over my shirt and my eyeliner was all rubbed out and I had bedhead at BEST...but i'm happy and maybe it shows.

I wanna go to the museum tomorrow and see the American Surrealism exhibit. We've just moved into a bigger house and I feel overwhelmed, coz I'm the only one who is organized. So I should really start breakin' down the unpacking even though I packed all that shit practically by myself and my brother and boyfriend loaded and unloaded it. Everyone else on the planet likes to take naps - bleh. I'll nap when I'm dead.

Okay enough Rambles. I need to keep takin' pics of my work. Katie (my best chef friend in the world ever) said that every time she sees my cakes they look more and more beautiful - how sweet is that!!!

Paborito'z

Favourite magazine Still: Giant Robot

Favourite Lotion: Cetaphil

Favourite Toothpaste: Mentadent

Favourite Popcorn: Pop Secret Homestyle

Favourite Drink: Diet Rock Star

Favourite Gelato: NY Cheesecake - my recipe

Favourite Occurence: me ordering an iced matcha nishi tea and alexis labelling my cup "best person EVER" bwaa hahaha

Favourite TV shit: Whenever we watch TV, my boyfriend says I love watching tv or movies with you, coz you always say i been there I seen that...well the other night it was a travel show on BBQ...and it flashed to this joint called Rudy's right outside of San Antonio...they got voted best Brisket...and I said bwaa hahahha you fartknockers - guess who's eaten there...and they looked at me and said YOUUUUUUUU...

recoknowdat!!!