21 Oct 2007: Oh Nuh Uh

Okay...I'm finally done packing for a couple days...and I double checked the weather...

39 degrees now...30 degrees tonight

Light Snow and Windy...

Bwaaa hahahaha

I'm driving in the snow...

oh Nu UH

the chef girl is gonna chill...

19 Oct 2007: now THIS is hella funny...

So this dude walks into the shop and asks the kids...can you write on those cakes? And the kids say, "sure..." So dude asked me to write:

Bwaaaa hahahhahhahhahaa. Some beeyotch got served tonight!!!

That shit has us all laughing!!!

---

I've been crazy busy - workin' 10-11 hour days because i'm going to Denver for a few days. But I still found Time to make the kids dinner...

Barbecue Meatloaf

Mashed Potatoes

Alfredo Angel Hair with Peas and Carrots

Herb Cornbread

Lucky...Lucky kiddos...

18 Oct 2007: Watchin' Fruit

Watchin' Fruit...

It's pretty dope when funny shit happens. Like SuQQa's jockin' you at your job on some frequent flier jocker type shit. Like when people jock your myspace and then show up at your work 2 or 3 times while your boyfriend is out of town and then get shot down like a clay disk.

It's hella dope when this aggravates the man you love to the point of irritation. It's nice to see a smattering of jealousy and sense of protection once in awhile from someone who is utterly SECURE in his person. It's nice to know you are the only woman who's triggered that because he gives a shit ALL THE WAY DOWN.

You know what that is. It's your feelings gettin' peeled back like ripe fruit coz you are open. It's sweet and it's good because all that patient waiting finally paid off...

12 Oct 2007: Wok This Way...

Wok this Way...
Category: Blogging

Sometimes I make family dinner for the staff. Lately I've been hella busy so I've been keeping it pretty simple. I always use the wok even when it's not Asian food. Bwaa hahaha. Here's a sample of this weeks latest...

Baked Ziti, Garlic Cheesy Bread and Veggies...

Chicken Fried Rice and the Sucka's take home some. Hahahhaa.

Tonight was Penne Pasta with a Garlic Pink Sauce (Tomato Alfredo)

...I have to say even as busy as I've been lately I've been MAKING time to cook for my little monster beasts. Know why? Because they are genuinely happy and appreciative to eat home cooked food. I also love to do it because it helps stretch their taste buds to try something new. I love that they never take it for granted and always do an excited little dance when they smell cooking.

---

Cake Time

The cakes have been a little more inspired lately. Who knows - maybe coz I'm in the middle of a storm of busy. But it's great to see well made things even in Auto Pilot. Bwaa hahahahha

Hazelnut Chocolate

Coconut Chocolate

Raspberry Chocolate Chip

---

I'm so happy all my food always finds a home!

12 Oct 2007: Hand Me the Toilet Paper

…Little Shits…

Little shits. Little shits are hella funny. They used to be a source of irritation – now I just laugh at their superb stupidity. I think it's hilarious that people like this exist with such conviction in their "ignance" The Ig'nant gene is alive and well.

One Poop

Spoiled Poops. Everyone knows I'm a pastry chef. I'm the pastry chef for 4 dessert lounges.The kids in the front scoop gelato and plate desserts. Of course I encounter them coz they saunter in the back and do whatever they need to maintain the front of the house. Recently…a few girls have been hired who think they can just stand around while of their co workers can hustle and grind while they sit there and text message their friends. I dunno why these future baby motels even bother to get a job. It's pretty obvious that their parents made them "get a job" in some latent attempt to show them responsibility. News Flash you dumbheads – if you don't have them trained by the time they are 7 they aren't gonna act right at 17. One girl in particular used to make me laugh…she said such nonsensical mouth spewing bullshit to me I stopped responding even when she spoke directly to me. This knucklehead actually said that Paris Hilton is her idol. Bwaaa hahahahha. I told her to get away from me with such stupid shit and that was the last time I said one word to her. The funny thing is…this girl looked like a cross between Jack Nicholson and the Geico lizard. She always wore a grip of makeup even when it was way above 100 degrees and I couldn't really sock her face coz I would need some oil based makeup remover to clean my knuckles. I love spoiled poops. These are the kind of people who will squander everything their parents made and then live in confused squalor. Hilarious.

Two Poop

People who blather on a subject that they are completely wrong about as if they were an expert. Then when you call them on it – all they say is "OH." Bwaa hahahhaa.

Three Poop

People who try to compete when really there is no competition. Sometimes you just can't measure up baby. Stop embarrassing yourself. Because when others are doing it big you're really just doing it Tiny. Understand proportion. Realize that your quick little singles aren't as big as my long nickels. It's okay though, in your world it's okay to try. The rest of the world does more than try – they make it.

Four Poop

People who ask you if you are Filipino. THEN these Ignoramuses tell you, "Oh I only know 1 bad word in Tagalog…" I look at them straight faced and say, "So how would you feel if someone came here from another country and said, "Eat Shit," as their only English words? Of course this stops them in their tracks. I like to watch the shame wash over their moronic faces – it's fabulous.

Four Poop, part 2

People who don't even try. Julian has a Filipina customer. He was over there chillin' with her and the Lola (the Filipino word for grandmother) workin' out a machine and he mentioned to the lady that he just went to ..Manila and had a wonderful time. Well when Lola heard this she got right up and made him some pancit and lumpia. Bwaa hahahaha. So they started drilling him about his vacation and did he learn any Tagalog while he was there and did he like it. So he ran down the vocab he did know and told them about all the fabulous stuff we did. Well…they were impressed that not only did he learn so much in a short time, but that he was genuinely learning about my cultural background after being with me for only 10 months J THEN…the lady busted out her husband and said, "I've been with my husband for 5 years and all he's learned is ONE bad word." Bwaa hahahahahahhahha. Then Lola started clowning him over dinner. Of course Julian is decent and ran a distraction – but inside he was thinking, "You dumb MOFO You!" How could you be with someone for 5 years and learn ONE bad word. Ig'NANT!

Five Poop

Thieving Poops. These are people who have no creative integrity. Perfect example is my former assistant. It was her boyfriends birthday about a month ago. She made this big ado about picking the flavors of the cake and built it. Then…on the day she got fired she actually asked me to decorate it. It's really no big deal but then it became a big deal when she blatantly lied to everyone and told her boyfriend and friends that SHE made it and designed the decoration of it. She went so far as to TELL me she did this with a smile and a giggle. What the…She actually showed people pictures of a cake she didn't make that her boyfriend loved and claimed to make it. At least tell the truth. Say that you built it and the pastry chef finished it. A complete lack of creative integrity. Dayuuuuum. If you love your boyfriend and your confident that he loves you then you should have the courage enough to tell him what's really crackin. I just can't tolerate that shit. It is just amazing how bold she could look him in the face and tell him he made it and then look ME in the face and tell me she took credit. Damn. That is some of the sorriest ish I've ever seen. What's wrong beeyotch - you afraid he's gonna figure out your untalented?

Six Poop

Love Poops. People who flippantly tell me they love me and they don't love me it's some kind of verbal shield they use. I swat these people away like flies Bleeeeeech.

Seven Poop.

Nuthin' Poops. People who don't love anything not even themselves. They don't take pride in anything they do. Not in the way they live, not in the manner they work, not in how they act, not in how they perform. These are people who think they should get paid for doing a substandard job and have the audacity to ask for a raise. Seriously, how could you not have any passion or interest towards anything and love it enough to work DAILY towards self improvement and a dream. These people lack pride and love and barely have a soul. These are people who flippantly show up to work 2-3 hours late and tell you, "I was just tired." No call, no apologetic nature and an almost bold I-dare-you-to-fire-my-ass look. Well you got your wish beeyotch.

Eight Poop.

Ingrata Poops. People who are so ungrateful that they don't remember that someone helped them and then stopped helping them because they didn't even help themselves. I don't need to go any further than that but I will say this: Speak no further about my brothers by blood or turntable. Just shut your crying rotten toothed mouth because they helped you and don't have to help you anymore. Next time I see your face it's smooshed. They didn't have to help you then and you should just roll over and die coz you ain't about the game. Wanna be a boss – take a loss. Stand on your own hand and put your uterus away kid. Ungrateful sack of steaming turd. Just shuttit. No one cares about your cryin'. A little dragon told me that someone said they are sick of people thinkin' they are better than others. We ain't. We're just better than your ass – THAT ain't hard.

Nine Poop.

Denial Poop. People who think they aren't successful because they are having bad luck or people are salting their game. Sorry kid – that ain't the deal. I'mma say it coz no one else is – no one likes you coz you suck and coz you lack loyalty.

Ten Poop.

The Poop. This is good poop – these are my folks that are "the shit…"

Eleven Poop.

Take care of Me Poops. This is so hilarious. I've seen like 7 instances of girls who "wanna be taken care of" Taken care of for no reason except they have a pulse. Yeah right. Don't give me that. They also expect to be taken care of without taking care of anyones stuff but their own. Now THAT is funny coz nowhere close is that an even exchange. That's like thinkin' you can give someone a dime and they will give you a steak. I love to see their Ig'NANT indignance that they actually get left behind. It's a cold world girls – and if you bring nothing to the table you get nothing. You can't be a repeat mooch for long. Your game gets played mighty quick. It's fun to watch your destruction and your face fall to disarray and sadness regardless of that piled makeup.

---There are a further array of poops – feel free to add your own.

12 Oct 2007: They want what they can't Have - Thpthhh.

You always want what you can't have, at least THEY do.

…The Bebe Factor…

Whenever Julian and I are separated for any amount of time, people jock us. Actually we get jocked even when we are together. Anyhow…I think when you are attached to someone it automatically gives you "attractive" points.

I suppose the "attractive" points are only there when you are genuinely happy. Because there is something about you that has a stride and stroll that is a little devil may care because you are bathed in love all day every day. Of course there are those exceptions in society who like to pursue those who are taken or even juggle 2 people at once. I won't even discuss that in this blog because it's general knowledge that that is distasteful and stems from insecurity and interloping.

Jockers are funny…there are so many types of jockers.

Here is a sampling of the jockers I've experienced lately.

Road Jockers.

These are the dudes who do random odd things to get your attention while you are driving down the road or highway. A couple of them followed me as I exited the freeway and then mouthed, "you're foine!" to which I just shrug and then they try to ask me for my number and I mouth, "9-1-1" Bwaaa hahahaha. Road Jockers also include dudes at stoplights and city streets who wink or grin. Errrm…kinna creepy.

Grocery Store Jockers.

These are the dudes who follow you in the grocery store and pick up things in the aisles your in. Then they sidle up and look in your basket. Of course when they look in my basket I have next to no processed food…so they clumsily ask, "what are you making…" See --- you can't ask me that kind of shit. Know why? Because you aren't even on my level kitchen wise. I won't lie – sometimes I speak Engrish (English with an accent) to stave them off – but just my luck they dig the Asian Accent. Yikes. Bleeeeech.

Coffee Shop Jockers.

Sigh. I like coffee. Any time of day…neat espresso shots or plain iced coffees. I have a set amount of these jockers in addition to new ones. I see that wishful glisten in your eye dude…but I've shot you down before and I'll shoot you down again. You have to admire the caffeine injested bravery that encourages a man to pursue a woman who repeatedly says no. Sometimes I see their courage building up to talk to me and often you can swat them away with a faint raise of an eyebrow and a toothless grin. I have 3 new ones. They look attractive in their own right --- but there's only 1 face that makes me smile. The last 3 only took 2 days to talk to me. Very impressive but naw.

Laundry Room Jockers.

Uh Hell no. And quit lookin' at my panties you freak.

Hater Jockers.

These are my favourite. Last night I was leaving the shop after a 10.5 hour day. 2 guys were standing by their car which was parked next to mine. I waved at some of the barristas next door and said good night and walked towards my car. I am not exaggerating in saying they stopped mid conversation to watch me walk. I wish I could say I was uncomfortable but I'm kinna used to being stared at when I'm around the shop coz there aren't many brown folks there. So --- these 2 guys just flat stared at me and then they watched me walk over to my car to see if I would react. When I didn't they kind of snickered as de-alarmed my ride. So I put the laptop in the trunk and turned around. They shut up. I laughed now. Dude had like a 7 year old Land Rover…He said "your car is kinna small girl." I laughed and said, "Word?" He said, "…yeah…" And leaned on his ride. I laughed even harder and said, "Blue book my fully loaded shit versus your 7 year old pile…then we'll compare stacks kid…" His friend laughed his ASS off. Don't play if you can't do the math homie. Coz in my world cute is often more valuable than muscle.

Stuff Jockers.

I see them all the time. They jock my purse coz it ain't available here. They jock my jewelry wondering if it's real (it is Hunny). They jock my skin and even ask to touch it and ask me what I do (soap and water Princess). They jock my stroll my smile my wreckless little laugh. They jock the odd little combinations that come together to make me distinct. Even when I'm rockin' chef gear in all black with my old school hat to the back – they jock. I'm so glad to be doin' my job that well. Thanks.

---

This ain't demeanor kid. This is the way I live.

It looks easy huh. But it ain't. I work hard and I'm currently managing 3 gigs. I watch my stacks. I planted it, I'm watering it and I watch it to make it grow. So jock all you want and hate as much as you please – coz all that shit is just fertilizer to me.