30 Sept 2005: Inane Hilarity

If...

If i have to listen to one more set of people spewing off as if they were so so clever when all they are echoing is regurgitated garbage...I will dice them like a kung fu movie. If I have to see any glimmer of self grandiosity because they have perceived money --- i'm going to kick them in their cock garage. If i MUST witness anyone biting and biting and biting -- i'm going to pull their teeth out and make a necklace of it. If I have to see anymore perversions of beauty and aesthetics - I will simply vomit oil paint and turpentine - because I was classically trained you dumb motherfuckers.

I chef out of choice - not out of necessity...

Now...in this putrid life, there are few joys, and there are even lesser truths - the truth is this. The world owes you NOTHING - absolutely mothernotafuckinthing nothing. So take ur self entitlement - and shove it in your feral crotches. Take your mannerless self and the mannerless spew that popped out of your wombs and get out of my sight. And what you perceive as taste - is only in your mouth. What you perceive as couth - is actually unclean...and if you think your net worth is your self worth, consider this: YOU ARE FINANCED WITHIN AN INCH OF YOUR LIFE...think of it as 2 paychecks away from a monkly existence...perhaps when faced with a void, you will re examine what you swallowed so easily as your absolute truth

This is my end note...

With each day that passes, I find people more and more disenchanting. It is a constant battle for me to encourage daily, not only by being a living example but with positive truths. I have to balance my creative expressions as well as my managerial flexing. I can say, that I do none of that at the expense of others. I sleep well each night - because I do not victimize. I do not further the careers and emotions of others in hopes that they become reliant or indebted to me in any manner. I do not blame my shortcomings on the actions of others - I just reach a little further - even if it means physical exhaustion, or a late night considering different approaches.

Stirs of Saucerina

Some motherfuckas...didn't know shit about shit - until they got a glimpse. But keep this in mind - the glimpse was not made possible by you. I love to see people who perceive themselves as tasteful and erudite, when in truth they can't even prove that to themselves, they can't even stand the very stench of their own bullshit - and often have ONE dirty habit that is so dirty it is universally appalling. Keep playin' and I'll pop the trunk. I used to know someone like that, his mouth said dolce gabbana...but assemblages often equalled dolce goodwill. Bwaa hahahha. Very few people have innate taste. Most Tastes are just borrowed, more often than not - they are stolen out of envy or coveting...ahahha. Perhaps I should get rabies shots - since i'm being bitten all the time...I'm no fucking style maven - but at least I am myself. I am always myself.

Volume does not equivocate Brilliance...

Just because someone says shit enthusiastically and in a robust loud and maybe even with a tinge of faux enthusiasm - doesn't make the thought original, or right, or even remotely interesting. It just means that you are lying to yourself and trying to sell some bullshit.

Low Carb Liberals...

I don't want to hear anymore crap spewing out of little fuckheads in kompressors and infinities acting as if they give a rats ass about anyone in need of education, equality or even enlightenment. You can't possibly be a liberal if you are anti poor, anti gay, anti fashionista, anti women, anti whatever based on the physicalities, anti scene, anti free expression. If you are non open to anything born of free thought u are NOT a liberal. DNA stands for DO NOT ANNOY saucy. Stop being fashionably liberal - you wouldn't know liberal if it queefed on ur face.

The Dull Eyes of the Senseless...

I like this blank zombie like look that certain people get. I couldn't quite figure it out --- it was feigned interest in their surroundings. Bwaa hahahhaa. I was so tickled by the realization that I had to go into the big freezer so I could let out a roaring laugh. I've never had to pretend to be interested in shit. Because I never did care for the approval of others.

22 Sept 2005: Custom Cake Blitz

I have no idea what is in the air lately...

I have being doing one custom cake after another and also keeping the case full and dealing with the garde mange...I've been pretty hazy about posting the stuff I've been making but today I decided to start documenting again. Considering the time pressure and the size of my work area and the constant distractions I'm holding up pretty well...

Chloe...

This is the chloe birthday cake...how lucky is a 4 year old to get a bubble gum gelato cake as her heart desires - however I did convince her to put a smattering of strawberry in there for berry bubblegum flavor...It's so cute and rather pricey. Then again - I remember my birthdays as a child and I was allowed to pick whatever the hell cake I wanted decor and all... Everyone was crushing on this cake...it's just a clear glaze on top with a random swirl of strawberry sauce. I'm sure she'll love it.

Peanut butter vs. Bacio

This lady came on sayin' that she was going to have a dinner for such and such....so I let her sample a few things and she chose the bacio (gianduja chocolate) and peanut butter...I like how it came out I would really have loved to go bonkers with the height - but since it has to weather transport and has to fit the weirdo octogonal foam containers - I have to keep everything about 2 inches high. Bummer but necessary. I tried to redeem it with the gianduja drizzled over the top.

i will have more photos tomorrow - i only finished the tops of these 2. I have some mango things going tomorrow but i have the mango ribbons freezing overnight. I try to make everything edible that I throw on the cakes. This girl Kristen has ordered like 6-7 cakes over the last week, then she called this morning and ordered 3 for tomorrow. She must be just rollin' in paper to randomly order cakes...I must say I like her subtle charm and her somewhat petulant nature.

I was suffering all day because of the little needles that flew off the prickly pear - i kept finding them in my hands and apron and where my inner arm meets my shirt. It's such torture. The flavour of it faintly reminds me of chayote. That colour is so beautiful - I call it nina haagen fuschia. The cost is ridiculous on prickly pear - I mean really. Just ridiculous...I'll take a photo of it with my lame ass camera phone.

I should really just break down and buy a digi cam. Fuckkit I'll put it on my christmas list. Chef clogs, digi cam, flash drive, mac lipliner, blank canvas and an electric saw. hahaha. What a list. Oh and accesories for my up and coming mini cooper that I ordered. haha.

I'll be gone in november...

I have so much on my plate for november. Epademiks wedding - that's priority one. It will be fabuloso to see the lovebirds get married. I will also be making the heart shaped caramel apples and ribbons for the tabling. Secondly I have Esthers Baby shower cake It will be a 3 cube cake resembling building blocks and marzipan toys and roses. Third - Hyders Birthday Cake - I can't say what i'm making, coz it's gonna be a surprise and he might read it then it won't be one huh...Fourth - The Don Ed Hardy Store grand opening...I have a cake to do for them. I've got my heart set on a koi...But since i'm not going to be around - I think I'll build it in 3 pieces and koi piece out of tempered chocolate then layered with molding chocolate so it can weather a really active party. If I had the time, I'd do it out of sugar - but november is gonna be bonkers...

I miss making sugar pieces like I used to...

I can't wait for the bigger space...I just can't wait.

Did I mention I made a GINORMOUS lasagna for everyone. Personally I am happy with a nong shim noodle bowl - add hot peppers. But I think it's important to bring home made food so we can feel our humanity. It's been really weird at work - and I'm not the object of anyone's heated mouth. Strange - but I hate to see anyone suffer such scrutiny when it is hypocritical criticism. Oh well, the best I can do is discourage negativity by squashing it when it gets to me and to feed them as if I love them all. I must say all the hugs and praise I receive are genuine, so I'm a bit lucky afterall.

17 Sept 2005: Triple Bar

Casino...

I'll stab you in the eye with this ballpen ya fuckers...just playin! My sister talked me into going to the casino with her and mom and lola (that's grandmother for you non filipino peepoL) as well as her friend penny. Let me start off by sayin' I don't like gambling - I've never liked it, and even if I had a bajillion dollars I don't like the idea of gambling it away when I would rather spend it at the book store or art store. However, lola really digs it and as she is 83 my ass isn't going to say shit, I'm going to just walk along and make sure she doesn't mow anyone over with her walker. So Lola i playing back and forth on the dollar machines and then back and forth on the quarter machines and i'm just meandering around...Well mom storlls up and says hey try this one - you're really lucky, just use this 20 (coz she knows I refuse to use my own money)...so the 20 is going back and forth from 50 bucks and down to 3 bucks...and then bam - it gives up 360 bucks...hahahaha. Imagine that. I told mom here's 180 bucks - you get a pimps take sine you gave me the play money. Funny shit. I played the 16 bucks left in the machine and then bailed. At the valet I said do you boys have my pinto ready (laughing my ass off)..and this pretty buttery white boy says, c'mon now - you are too foine for a pinto honey...bwaa hahaha

...doggie update...

max is doing well and is losing his puppy teeth. He's gained 10 lbs and is now about 15 weeks. He also can catch the frisbee from about 2 feet away. he's sitting, rolling over, playing dead, shaking hands, and fetching on command. He's rather spoiled and prefers the bed to the kennel, but who in their right mind, canine or not, wouldn't.

...chef forums...

someone posted a barbecue question and i answered how I would handle it. And a lot of those chef boys tried to dismiss what I had to say. I'm not going to start a forum war and shit - that's a waste of my time. But i will say this, i don't like all that cheffing machismo and flexing. This is exactly why I went into patisserie...I don't like all this huffing and puffing and everyone acting like they know all of gods cookery between here and buddhas heaven. I only offered up my technique - I didn't offer it up to be dismissed by boychefs - some of whom are still in school. So many boy chefs have a gross imbalance of their talent reality and their perceived talents. Everyone thinks they are gonna be the next fucking hot network chef shit. I am going to write a cookbook, but to preserve the plates we ate not for glory. Fuckin' Pablo Picasso did it...as an homage to his upbringing not to glorify his cooking abilities. He cooked for the joy and beauty of it. I just shake my head at all that crap --- it's a waste of time and a total lack of enlightenment. Funny thing is - I cook constantly...and there are more than a handful of people on my friends list who will co sign this for me, I cook for the joy of it. It's not a show for me. And everything I table is emptied. Ditto for my pastries. Ditto for my chocolates. When people ask me for cooking lessons or recipes - I share everything I've got. But, I keep on and keep learning and keep altering...because there is always room for that, coz the humble improve.

All i know is the architect came in regarding the second location we're opening in a few months. And asked me - what do you want in your work area...I'm to have a temperature controlled room with the tables at the height and specs I want and the equipment I want is being brought in. That's why I stay where I'm at - it's creative freedom and no questions for what I need. Lucky them i'm respectful of the budget...and I don't abuse such privileges.

holy shit it's late. and i have to be at work in 6 hours. Yuck.

Night night.

15 Sept 2005: My recycled Soul

In a Past Life...

You Were: An Arrogant Warrior Where You Lived: Spain. How You Died: Natural causes.

that's some funny shit...I wouldn't mind kicking peoples asses repeatedly with a wretched evil laugh and then later be rewarded with a death by natural causes...

ahhh, my cakes are still selling like crazy and much to my chagrin, I came into the shop to a nearly empty case. And despite raising the prices by 25% still does not hinder the purchase of them. All I have to say is that the people who do purchase the cakes seem to have a lot of leisure income...bully for them --- i'm not a hater, coz they are keeping me busy. About 3 weeks ago I went to working days - meaning 9-5, I was working 2-10pm...at first I hated it, but now I like it, it passes quickly and quietly allowing me to work at a better pace.

What I do NOT like --- is that 5pm traffic. What the hell is WRONG with people. I watched this one woman in a brand new Mercedes Benz just picked her nose like her shit was on redial and then FLICK her snotbullets out of the sunroof...That is so disgusting. This is exactly why I constantly wash my hands and I am very leery of people touching me and shit. That is so fuckin' hilarious all up in her bougie import car and flickin green ones into the sky. that Icky BoooHoooch...

...nobody can hate you like YOU hate you...

L------ told me a story about how a customer referred to T---- as a hot guy and was asking after him and blah blah blah...So L------- told T----- that some girl referred to him as hot, well, I guess she just blatantly hit on him and he did his best to shrug her off. Well, I've never seen the girl but she came by today and I missed her by a nano second coz I was positioning cakes. Well, T---- came in and I said hey that girl who called you HOT was in here - you just missed her...and he said - GET this...who that fat ugly dumpy one. AS IF he were so fine and shiny and new. Ummm, okay he is beyond hirsute, borderline serial killer looking with that unblinking glare, and he self admittedly said he needs to lose at least 40 lbs. So WHERE does that arrogance come that he can label a girl as ugly scary etcetera...It is a displacement of self hate. That is clear.

Even if a guy is not my type I will not hammer him down like that. That is someones son, brother, friend, uncle...something. And they are entitled to a sense of living withOUT criticism by me - that's for sure. I will verbally beat a hoe (male or female) down -- if they try to put me in some cookie cutter, cross the lines of racism or sexism, or if they are just fetish freaks. But I see in his eyes that he is in pursuit of something so high, higher than himself: intellectually, physically, stylistically and financially. My worth is not tied to money and unlike him I would never say, "I only like her because of her money, she's not even my type: she is too wide..." Mind you this girl was all of a size 8. Wide is hardly the word for her. AND he is not missing any damn meals. I will not bicker or fight with him anymore. I only shake my head at someone who is so emotionally shoddy, that his desperation dribbles on like drool.

I don't hate many things anymore. However, I will say this -- the things I hate I hate with such violence and vehemence, I have to meditate into myself to prevent acting on my rage. I let time level the playing field until these people are put near me, so they can be served.

Some people have anxiety attacks, or tears, or melancholy sadness. I suffer from a complete loss of urge control and it takes every cell in my body to keep from choking the trigger of my rage. And when I'm in a rage the whole world feels it - it's like a wall of hatred flows from me and people back away even when I am silent. I used to just chuck cases of glasses and the tinkling would soothe me for like 42 seconds. That doesn't work anymore - so I just wait and wait and wait, until my breathing subsides.

To be honest I kind of like that rage. It is uber human to me. I'm tired of the generic polite cheerful responses that we are all programmed to use. I'm tired of that quasi-optimism that never works on me...I can smell when shit is only good on the surface. I mean seriously what the fuck is wrong with people. Change is hostile, Deconstruction is violent, Improvement is often painful and difficult. So why the FUCK are people expected to have this happy go lucky stepford citizen attitude. Bleh - i'm deaf to that shit.

nothing is forever...

not even family

09 Sept 2005: Microwave update

...just a random entry to defrost my head...

Weird Event of the Day

It was a little before 6pm and I'd just dropped off the gelato I promised to Samurai Comics (hey Mohrya {sp} u rock)...and I knew all the highways were rush hour clogged --- so I took 7th to McDowell and then I was gonna cut over to Washington to get to Tempe and see n....It was a slow but steady pace and about 3 ft in front of the car this tinted piece of ghetto truck just rolls out onto the street, totally cutting me and the car to my left off. All the cars behind me are honking, the car next to me is honking and I'm waiting to honk since people are license to carry loaded here and my swift kick isn't as fast as a bullet. So this is a big truck - some kind of ford thing....and it wasn't so much old as it was ghetto, the owner of the VEHICLE comes out the store and is looking at his car in the middle of the road. WHAT THE FUCK...so i guess his parking brake didn't work. After I surgically removed my hand from the horn, I was really grateful that I wasn't going even 3 miles faster an hour or I would have got hit from the right side by that truck.

Pervasive Thought of the Day

The car I just ordered. The mini cooper S convertible. Yes folks I'm still driving stick, and I probably won't stop. I wasn't in any particular hurry to get a car, I mean shit who wants a car payment. But I put the holding deposit to request all the little special things. I guess getting a cooper isn't like gettin' other cars. You go to the dealership, you test drive it...you look, then there is a waiting list to request one, unless you buy what's on the floor which is usually all of 2 or 3 cars - coz the other 4 on the lot are demos. The difference in price is only 2K so I requested a 2006 Metallic Baby Blue, Dark Blue leather seats with orange stitches and Dark Blue upholstery - I kept the chrome touches and steel patina and upgraded a lot of stuff. Why? Coz I can. Why? Coz I work hard and maybe I wanna smoke a blunt with the wind in my hair. Why? Coz it's cute and you can only get the disco orange OR cool blue in an "S" convertible. The bad news is...the earliest I get the car is December ad the latest is March (so either Christmas or my birthday) but worth the wait since they are only selling like 400 coops a year in phoenix. The good news is everytime I see a convertible I get so tickled. I get this little grin. But then I get over it in about 7 seconds.

Work...

I'm working a lot and I'm not working a lot. I want to start some new projects like truffles and chocolates, however there is no budget. Apparently our food costs are off the hook or something, yet somehow T----- got a raise. We'll see. I'm keeping my options open. There's a lot of spots available for pastry chefs and I'm not putting all my pate a choux en une basket...yanno.

in General...

I'm perved swerved but never unnerved. I don't like most people, I do't like most situations and even stilettos don't bring me the faintest enjoyment...I'm trying to maintain a zen attitude about shit and be in nothingness and just face the work at hand. I'm trying to be really enlightened about the foibles that are blatantly thrown towards me. I feel nothing but disdain at shoddy behaviour. This pretty much sums it up: If you insist on saying and acting as if my shit smells, ensure that you've washed and wiped your ass very WELL.

Projects...

I have a 2 year project I'm obsessed with. To be annnounced later. I have like 3 paintings I want to do. I need to just get a corner saw and make my own shit. I hate buying canvasses.

Tete a Tete a Tete a Mardi's

Kill Grill is fun. I'm glad this came to fruition. I'm surprised how much everyone loved the korean ribs I brought, and everyone killed the spicy cucumber and sticky rice I brought as well. Did I mention the chicken Wings got murq-ed as well...So after talking food and food and food. Phat E and I decided next week is Nacho Grill. We'll Grill the tomatoes, jalapenos etcera and throw Salsa. I will also rock a marinade on some skirt steak and E will leave a crock pot full of queso...and on and on and on...Everyone is jazzed. I love everyone at these Tuesday gigs, everyone is genuinely friendly and genuinely interesting.

end note.

i still need a vacation and i still don't have the time to take it.