27 Sept 2004: Knocker Dough - Love that Hoe

Knocker Dough, Love that Hoe
my dough came out so ree ree
i was supposed to laminate it
and make sure the layers come out even
but i guess i didn't brush enough flour out
so then the muhfyookah ballooned

Basically, my dough puffed up like big ass knockers
albeit a bit lopsided, it still came up knockers...
People were lookin at my dough like WTF ees dat!!!
I looked over @ Jena and her eyes were tearing up
then i looked at the dough thing and I swear it got
even bigger --- then Katie is like put nipples on it.

bwaaaaaaa hahahha
I'm glad my dough blew up
coz we all needed a laugh.

-----------------------------------------

It had been a week of croissant and danish and all
kinds of yummy evil buttery things...and i prolly put
a little more chunk in my trunk but who cares that's
just more for nuSun to spank right. **evil twinkle**

I am a bit reticent about my grades and shit since I had
such a rough time getting on with my previous chef, so when
grade time comes I don't really expect much. Last week most
of our cakes and such came out raw so we all hovered between
88 to 92 gradewise. I'm becoming overly critical of my own shit.
So when grade time came this week...i was being graded second
from the last. i turned it all in on time. Within 3 hours:

4 plain croissant
4 filled croissant
6 sticky buns
6 cinnamon rolls
4 classic danish - filled, glazed, iced
4 spectacle danish - filled, glazed, iced

6 buttermilk biscuits - flaky, extra credit

all pastry must be equal in weight, when weight against like items
all pastry must be within a quarter oz of 2 ozs
all excess dough will be weighed and no more than 16oz (1lb)
all untouched dough must be presented
all additional pastry that has been baked off must be showed

When Chef S-------- called 2 minutes I felt like my heart had
flown straight out of my ass and i grabbed my towel and polished
down my station. Good god, count the pieces, check the waste,
check out the competition, check my products are they all uniform.
1 minute she screamed - okay the remnants of my heart were now
flying out of my ass...okay everything checked. Then she gave a quick
reprieve from impending death - okay I will give you all an additional
5 minutes. I could see people pulling things out of the stove still -
beatiffic buddha why were they running later than me and i'd baked off
twice as much to ensure that i had my pick of pastries...

Chef S-------- went down the list and said this that this that this that...
I agreed with her criticisms and was shocked at her generous compliments.
So at the end of the test she said add these numbers - i said okay 81, so
here i was thinking I had a B...THEN she said now divide that by 75...oh lawd.
i got a 108î.goodness. I gasped rather audibly. Keezie was so happy for
me he said finally you got a grade you deserve...and Jena gave me a hug...

Kick ass huh. funny.
The night went well for me
but others languished because
their ass kissing skills are wasted.

sample shit:





i will try to take more pics
but at the end of the night
all i want is a square and my laptop.

22 Sept 2004: Have you...

Have you ever met someone that encouraged you to be yourself Have you ever met someone who knew what your day was like coz their day always mirrored yours everything you felt you shared invisibly

Have you ever met someone who's lips seared yours and as you KISSED you could feel your souls... touching

Have you ever met someone who held you just right not too warm not too tight

Have you ever met someone who had nothing but had everything Have you ever met someone who killed all the doubts and redrumz the fears

Have you ever met someone who doubted as you did then destroyed all the rules

Have you ever met someone that was your siamese twin and as you slept under a blanket you looked like one person because all your limbs intertwined to make just one person

Have you ever met someone who made your heart jump who made your heart thump with a smile

Have you ever met someone who's body called to yours but never with a single word

Have you ever met someone who made you realize I AM SOMEBODY...

22 Sept 2004: Spectacles

My lover likes girls in glasses... they call them spectacles coz they are done up in that manner... to look like eyeglasses. Really its a flaky evil deliscious Danish... I put Chocolate Creamcheese on one side... I put Lemon Cheesecake creamcheese on the Other... They come out so pretty for me... Danish is so obedient to my whims... I made a few other kinds... Lemon Creamcheese topped with blueberry raspberry compote Some with Almond butter inside Some with Cinnamon butter inside... I wish I would have taken more pics, but shit it's just Danish I've taken photos of this stuff before... I'm gonna make peanut butter and jelly ones. Then so many headz will be happy... But the pretties by far were these little flowered ones I made - like a pinwheel but enclosed and then I dropped so much cream cheese on it the little bitch didn't open up...Lucky for me, but not lucky for me - a LOT of my stuff got sent off to catering. Man I don't even eat @ catering - okay i did once. I had a piece of pork tenderloin and some fried oysters...but that was it...Attitude wise I had a better go of it today...A lot of the Patisserie kiddos are seriously disheartened by all the work we are doing...we are doing far too much production. This focus on volume is fucking INANE..we are here to study pastry and patisserie...not to bake oodles and oodles. As much as tuition is, we should be having fun & making beautiful things, artistic and fine things. Not churning out shit as if it were trade school. It's all I can do to keep my doughkidz together - I hand out bebe pep talks and hella hugs to make sure we're somewhat cohesive... Although that nasty filthy hoecake M------- needs to shut her piehole. First of all she's sloppy as hell. Second of all, she has no room to act all sister supreme burger coz her product is just like HER RUNNNN through. Also, she needs to save all the my boyfriend this my boyfriend that bullshit - coz the whole entire class knows she has the NERVE to say she love her man and then fuck that guy who lives upstairs. That ain't just dirty, that's three kinds of dirty...So she might as well put that in the freezer and let it sit - coz I ain't hearing it. Although one day she did volunteer to do my dishes, which is appalling coz she's not one to volunteer for SHIT. hmmmm. I'll have to ponder that one. I haven't eaten one pastry this week. I'm determined to graduate this shit smaller than when I came in...Almost everyone is rockin a double chin and to be honest that shit is makin me hella anxious - coz the senior girls from last set - all left school with they uniforms hella snug - I'm not tryin to look like the pillsbury dough girl with dope eyes. See for me, when you give someone that title - boyfriend: it means they are someone..and your behaviour should afford them a luxury called respect. It's never just been about respect of self and respect of your lover, that shit also includes respect to the relationship as it's own entity. That means I don't do stupid shit, ill shit, shady shit, weak shit that would ever cast any suspicion on the relationship or make it look like it's trembling. My love is strong. Everything else should be too. When you are loved properly - it's easy to do the right thing.

15 Sept 2004: Conversation Pastry

Supposedly these are called conversations because a play was on called conversation when they had already made some Pativiers. Pativiers are the same thing but flatter and wider with diagonal rounded slits...and in honor of the play they made a petit version of the Pativier, now dubbed conversation... I dig this dessert - it's a pastry puff - so the top and bottom are crispy with butter locked in so it's all crispy yummy evil...but then - the bottom is lined with strawberry (my personal choice), and then spiraled with creme d'amande - or almond creme. A smattering of royal icing is slapped on there and then the lattice is snappped on. It's hella yummy. If not a bit adult...

I'm really baffled, how 18 people can be given the same damn recipe. YET everyones turns out so different. One technique is demonstrated - I mean shit it's cordon bleu ne c'est pas? And still 18 baking sheets come out of the oven and everyone is a different colour, flavour, look and length - some even burn - and my shit - it always takes the longest to cook. Even my food likes the blasted heat. Everyones had already cooked/burned/cooled - and my still were only 90%cooked. **shrugs** i'm having an easier go of it.

The chef doesn't have a penchant for torturing me anymore. And I'm stronger for having gone through what I did...That divastatic focker - I still cant hate the focker - he taught me a lot...not just about the baking game, but about my inner mettle that I won't fold under a little pressure. Also, I didn't have to resort to insouicance or ass kissing in order to get a grade. i could say there was SOME integrity behind my shit. A lot of those girls have been baking for their fathers, jobs, families for over a decade - so why the FUCK does my shit look just as good as theirs more than half the time???

Our classroom is so fetid - I hate that whole drainage situation. That's just how freakin kitchen sinks are - hella ICKS. I guess we're all more adjusted. I feel a little rushed but not really - I struggle a bit coz my head is in the clouds smokin love cheeba with cupids. Soooo, it's a damn good thing I have passions and pursuits of my own. Boredom breeds insecurity and insanity. Looking back, I dated so many critical motherfuckers. Your hair is cut weird, why do you dress like that, why don't you work out, how come you have to be different than everyone else, you're too thick...whatever this whatever that. I listened to the fucked up shit for so many years I ate myself into a corner. The painting suffered. The writing suffered. I suffered. So time passed. Hair changes, careers change, cities change, I changed. I also pretty mutch looked at solitude in the face and said I'll be you - I'll be solitude. Alfie said I was the most datingest girl. I did go on some trifling ass dates and even thought i could fall in love with an emotional midget and otherwise - that was my own funny haha on my own brown ass...I volunteered for those lacerations, but those days are done. I picked up my paintbrush nudged forward by a soul twin or two. I got 'involved' with myself. I decided that I was going to be kind to myself which in turn would allow me to be kind to others. I was going to get detached from material possessions and emotional chains. I wholeheartedly believed I was destined to be alone, and that my purpose was to learn as much as I could and write as much as I could. Writing, writing, writing --- books started losing their spines, inkwells drying and I wrote and wrote and wrote. I couldn't stop. I would go on coffee dates with butterhorns and lunch dates with Himbos but that's just whatever...