26 Aug 2005: I think I'm in Lub

The twins at work started talkin' bout schnoodles and maltipoos...

Good Lawd I want a maltepoo - why not...if it doesn't look like an ewok it looks like chewbacca...damn things are sickeningly cute. hah

then to my mortification...the twins din't know what an Ewok was...

YIKES

16 Aug 2005: Creative Exhaustion

The more beautiful I make the cakes, the more they are admired, the more they sell. Oh how the staff laugh when the customers ask...are those plastic??? are those cakes fake and for display only...Hahahhaa no dummy cakes yanno. I really started making them uber byootiful so no one could imitate what I do, I also started making my own hand cut tips so that the pastry bags are almost too difficult to handle...

Thankfully...I have escaped scathing criticism.

Vincenzo is in from Italy...he is the consultant for the dessert lounge. Albeit he had many criticisms for the way many things have been handled regarding the gelato...he only told me Molto Bella...very beautiful, regarding the cakes. Then today I hammered out 8 more cakes and he said - Molto Benne...How lucky I am - coz as dope as Vincenzo is, if I was fuckin up he would have told me so. He didn't even say ONE word when he saw that I adjusted all of his cake recipes...I was sweating when he was looking through the book, but he let me off easy. I even bamboozled him into a lesson on cutting kiwi into palm leaves - he's gonna show me on Wednesday...so kewl.

I can't stand that beeyotch M-----, she needs to know her role. She'll never make a cake behind me again. Put money on that shit.

I have so much shit to do: Personal paintings, more writing, some organization stuff...and I haven't gone to the gym in a week and I feel like shit, and I still wanna test some recipes of my own. I also need a little mini vacation. Sigh. I wish I was going to Seattle with n.... next week coz I really need to get away.

ps) these old rich dudes need to stop hitting on me and take their saggy ass nuts somewhere with their spooky ass silicone injected dates

12 Aug 2005: Mom Sed There's a Ghost

So it's like 11pm last night and n.... says let's go to WallyMart and get a damn anime. I sed okay I need contact solution. So mom's chillin and I say mommy we're going to the store, she sed okay bye bye...

Uneventful Drive, we're there. Grab Video and Bausch and Lomb crap and 2 diet rockstars. Uneventful Drive, we're Home...

Mom is on the sofa saying she's still damn full from the chicken enchiladas and spanish rice I made and that she heard tapping on the window and she thinks there's a ghost in the house. Then she said she heard a cat and pointed at the floor and said it sounded like it was there. I start laughing, and go oh c'mon mom the house is like 3 weeks old. We haven't financed any fucking ghosts. She said,"i'm telling you i got scared and woke up your sister..."

So I think about it and I'm like whatever doing my like 15th load of ginormous enormous gigantor laundry...and i hear a knock knock knock...creaaaaak. And I look down and the laptop is in the middle of the floor. Hahahahhaaha

Mom had heard the damn instant messenger people loggin' on and off.

So she got up to get a diet pepsi and I told her

it's not a ghost mother -- it's stupide aol...

Mom be chattin with the spirits and stuff

bwaaa hahaha

fuckity fartknocker

hahahha...

ps) my grandmother knocked over my italian painting easel that holds up to 8ft in canvas. kill me.

09 Aug 2005: Flash Update

work...

i'm promoted i guess...i'm manager one night a week of the shop which is hella weird coz i'm the pastry chef so my time is best spent keeping an eye on cakes and chocolate and such. i will have to hire someone in the fall coz i want to continue making chocolate pieces...and sugar pieces etcetera. so the kids (gelateria staff) are all tickled coz i'm a manager, although little alexis said yarrrrrgh ur a manager, i'm scared...i said why alexis i like you i don't even pay attention to you coz you handle your shit...she said well you work harder than hard so we all have to keep up with you. i told her just relax kiddo, no one is as hard on you as you are on urself...**laughs** everything is going smoothly and the cakes are selling like well --- hotcakes. People are even buying full size cakes and eating them in the lounge. This one dude even bought a gelato sculpture i made for like 14 bucks and ate it alone. bwaa hahaha.

We have regulars and groups and couples. I find the older couples most endearing. They order a scoop or two and lounge under the misters and talk to each other as if they are still young and dating when in all truth they've been married for a few decades. The kids are a happy bunch of brats who don't really need jobs as their rims are prolly worth more than my car but the key is they have fun. There is some racial tension in the spot, but I try to diffuse it and tell the ones with gripes to open their mouths and tell people when they swerve over lines because I think it's unfair to be angry with others when they are unaware of their oblivion. I've had to remind the girls that others aren't psychic -- so tell them what's up so we can all communicate, we don't have to be in love with each other but we are responsible for communicating feelings and concerns...and if nobody can get along come get my brown ass and i'll facilitate. shit.

Mei is the dopest person ever. She owns the joint and still has the strongest work ethic of us all. Things always get done and she always expresses appreciation everytime whether it's big or small. And every weekend without fail even after a 12 hour day she brings food for all the staff and stocks the walk in with pizza and microwaveables so everyone can eat. When we are slammed she jumps right in and works side by side with all of us. She's rather glamourous you know. Even for a woman of 51 she has backlength hair and is a size 1 at most...she's always manicured and pedicured...but still I always yell Ciao Mama when she walks in...it really tickles her. I know she'll bonus all of us out who are loyal to the joint -- I told her it's only a matter of time until we go national...she said i hope so, i really hope so.

I love working for a mom and pop joint...I have so much freedom creatively and as for resources --- if I want anything, it's purchased without question. Very few Pastry Chef's get this treatment on their first gig I'm glad I made the decision to stay instead of becoming a bread monkey or taking a bit more money for less fuckin freedom.

kewl entrepreneurship...

Rocco is so dope, I love his chill attitude and I think everyone gives him too much shit. He's a total money and customer magnet --- I dunno what it is about him but whenever he's in the shop it just rains money and customers...so if he wants to chill in the back and let people self manage I have no qualms with that shit. I'm so happy for him - he's going to open an Ed Hardy (yes Don Ed Hardy the tattoo revolutionist) shop...It's going to be quite the event and hell yes i'm makin' the cake complete with koi and all...I told him he'll have to let me work 1 shift a week just to get a discount - coz the hats are 77 bucks and the jeans are near 200 bucks. haha.

As we grow - i hope it doesn't change - I like the mom and pop feel of how we all work together even though the outer shop looks like it's franchised...all i know is i'm invited...this is all gonna payoff, i just know it.

Funny haha today...

I stopped to get cigs @ the Shell place. the only place to go is the one near the Biltmore. I got out of work around midnight and grabbed a starbucks con panna in a can and a pack of squares. Dude was being polite I guess,

Shell Dude: Hello

Me: Hiya *yawning*

Shell Dude: Long night...

Me: Yah, I'm the pastry chef and the G...S...

Shell Dude: Ah...that's cool, you manage too?

Me: Yah, I guess I just do stuff huh

Shell Dude: That place is popular...

Me: Yah, you should come by it's yummy. Gelato is great man

Shell Dude: Really?

Me: Yah, for reals and all the kyoote girls hang out there

Shell Dude: LOL, you like girls???

Me: no i'm just not a hater...and lots of girls means more customers...

Shell Dude: well, you're a kyoote girl urself

Me: Aw Lawd, Thanks...

...pan to me bailing outside into my car...yipes - a stranger called me kyoote...weird. After working all day, i'm not feeling so kyoote. I had chocolate smeared all over my shirt and my eyeliner was all rubbed out and I had bedhead at BEST...but i'm happy and maybe it shows.

I wanna go to the museum tomorrow and see the American Surrealism exhibit. We've just moved into a bigger house and I feel overwhelmed, coz I'm the only one who is organized. So I should really start breakin' down the unpacking even though I packed all that shit practically by myself and my brother and boyfriend loaded and unloaded it. Everyone else on the planet likes to take naps - bleh. I'll nap when I'm dead.

Okay enough Rambles. I need to keep takin' pics of my work. Katie (my best chef friend in the world ever) said that every time she sees my cakes they look more and more beautiful - how sweet is that!!!

Paborito'z

Favourite magazine Still: Giant Robot

Favourite Lotion: Cetaphil

Favourite Toothpaste: Mentadent

Favourite Popcorn: Pop Secret Homestyle

Favourite Drink: Diet Rock Star

Favourite Gelato: NY Cheesecake - my recipe

Favourite Occurence: me ordering an iced matcha nishi tea and alexis labelling my cup "best person EVER" bwaa hahaha

Favourite TV shit: Whenever we watch TV, my boyfriend says I love watching tv or movies with you, coz you always say i been there I seen that...well the other night it was a travel show on BBQ...and it flashed to this joint called Rudy's right outside of San Antonio...they got voted best Brisket...and I said bwaa hahahha you fartknockers - guess who's eaten there...and they looked at me and said YOUUUUUUUU...

recoknowdat!!!

19 Jul 2005: The Baby

we adopted a dog from the shelter

he's 9 weeks old...we've had him for 4 days

we named him max

he is half weimeraner half chow chow

at this time, he knows to pee pee outside

he sits on command and will wait to eat a snack

until i say the word "ok"

he's becoming bratty coz everyone carries him around and babies him

16 Jul 2005: Stealth Mode Sucka

one of the former chef instructors stopped by the lounge tonight...yucky. he's one of those assheads who thinks coz he went to europe he's so dope. **knock knock** hey fartknocker...lots of us go to europe...all that it involves is a) a passport b)money c)the ability to read a street map. i would laugh my ass off at school when he would talk about europe this and europe that. Bwaaa hahahha... Been there, done that and a few other continents too. Also, he is one of those men who thinks he's finer than her really is. Guess what -- he ain't. Of course some sadly stated fashionistas were with him and after a few of their fake laughs they left the lounge. (i was watching from the surveillance cam in the back office.) i was far too busy tonight for small talk and such. also I don't have anything to say.

it's becoming a bad habit. i don't like talking to anyone anymore and even avoid my regulars all together. it's a shame coz they really do like me. i have fans i guess. one night i was out in the front lounge chatting up the customers and t---- laughed and said hey, you are actually out here get back in your cage you like it there. hahaha. fuckin fucker. there was another thing in the paper today and in another paper. so it's raining customers again. Bleh. Good reviews as usual.

i'm tired today. i've been working out for almost a month now. i work 4 hours on the pastry and cakes, then i go to the gym for a couple hours, then i come back to work for another 4-5 hours. i feel better. but i still think working out is overrated. i would rather smoke a joint and watch cartoons.

did i mention my cakes were on tv and everyone ooh-ed and aah-ed. Some of the newsdesk reporters even called dibs on that shit. hhaha. i don't ever wanna be in the paper or tv. i just wanna be the invisible pastry chef. look at my work don't look at me.

12 Jul 2005: Effin 80'z kids

I see all these little kids strollin' into the dessert lounge. Wearin their fucking Miami Vice Coloured Izod Lacoste shirts, with the collars flipped up. I see their putrid little girlfriends wearing that putrid side of the head ponytail and that rainbow brite eyeshadow. I see way too much lipgloss as if the porkchops were grubbed sans fork. Oh and their arrogance is just surreal. What possibly could they have accomplished by their late teens that they are going to treat my staff as if they should be served. What possibly could fill their heads with such bullshit that they would believe it is acceptable to act so snottily...

A whole generation of shitheads and fartknockers raised on unworthy praise. I was told by a manager all that M------ wants to hear from you is that she did a good job. I replied in a chilling voice," I will tell her that WHEN she does a good job. I will not undermine this establishment by handing out false praise, what I will do is hand out encouragement and positive reinforcement..." That was the end of THAT conversation. But I see so many people raised on false praise thereby giving false self worth, thus leading to piss poor behaviours.

Look...I'm getting flashbacks to elementary school and just like the arrogant twits of my childhood, these arrogant unenlightened asspleats are just as shitty. Yuck. I didn't like the 80's then and I won't like them now. And I thought those haircuts died, but again I see bangs that could pick up barstools and way too much fuckin hairspray...

Yuck yuck yuck.

They have the same monikers of noveau wealth. So many of these little fuckheads live under the false safety of their parents money. But KNOW this...arizona money is not equivalent to reality money. Reality money means a higher cost of living and surroundings that aren't manicured to dwell within temperatures moderated by airconditioning. I see in them a total aloofness to surroundings and the world. I see that whole shallow personae and being in the now. Living in today as an enlightened creature is one thing. Living in the now as arrogant fluffheads just twists my fuckin' hipsters. Gross, grossity gross gross gross.

Why does everyone think their networth equal their self worth. I think I want to be a cocooniere again, away from the world with just my paintbrushes. That's all. I see in so many youngsters an absence of awareness; awareness of their environment, of others, of a bigger world and a truer existence. And even though my initial feeling is repulsion, my deeper feeling is sadness.

I am sad, that these will be the people charged with my old age. Believe me when I tell you I would rather be caned than trust such blind individuals.