...Guns don't kill people, words do...
Temporary ceasefire...okay guys - no more roasting you know who. I'm calling a CONDITIONAL peace treaty as long as all of my conditions are met. I know you are all gonna talk all the shit you want. But as you are all adults and I neither encourage or discourage you - carry on.
I will say this:
If you are angry, it's at no one but yourself...
If I sit in graceful silence, it does not mean I'm weak...
You sneak up in my house like a nasty ass
cockroach, i'm squashin your dirty crawlin ass...
...En Garde...
Hey you, yeah you in the shiny new shoes - no more makin' fun of my dates names - you sound like PePe Le Pew. Okay so this morning J------ calls at 10:30 am and I'm like are you fuckin' insane I dont' wake up until noonish. He's like oh sorry you told me to call on Wednesday and it's Wednesday, so you wanna go do something later. "Okay okay, diner 10 ish..." Happy sigh - okay see you then. Jeez...
---
so the day drags..and it starts off good and I'm so full of song the last few days and laughter. I'm myself again and healed up in record time. I'm workin' at a steady clip now that I have an assistant all I focus on is beauty and taste. So I get a text from the homie Z----, and I leave him a voicemail to just call me - then it's not the homie Z----- but an echo of the past which explodes into a yell fest while i'm mid chocolate. His yelling included," go ahead and date some rich fuckin' butterhorn with spikey hair --- I don't care. Ah, but I know you do. My heart is pounding, I'm breathing hard, I'm sharpening knives. Calm down calm down calm down. Eventually the call tones itself down and it's some kind of old civility. I'm not backin' down and he's not backin down...Just poisonous.
my best friend is buggin out and now my heart is aching in a different spot for another important person in my life...
the cakes call and I wrap it up, get dressed and get out...
The children did a double take and I laughed...I said am I lookin' a little different than the chefcoat kids...OMGGGGGGGGGGGGG they squeal - where you goin? somewhere... OMGGG you have a date huh chef girl. haahaha - yes, I confess. Spoiled brats but they are mine.
Mommy stops by and checks on me and she says OH...another date? new guy same guy...I said this one made it to date 2. oh do you like him...I said I guess...she laughed and said I think your not ready honey...I have to say this about Mommy - as real as she is...she asked me when I was sad and quiet - you want to forgive him honey? I said it's not possible mommy. She said then you are strong...So off she runs - fabulous mommy on her million solo march...
---
...stop at the homie hideout:
G--- is there and I mention the turtle painting I've been wanting from him and he points at a canvas and says I'm gonna do it...I said YAY - I will make you noodles...I love the boys...and Thanksgiving is ON no matter what...coz who can resist sausage cornbread stuffing...
pick up italian painting easel, cookie jar, 6 books, 2 pair of escrima sticks...oh shit i forgot my Breez painting...I'll have to call the boys...Tucked in the top book is a 3 page letter...I told everyone hey you din't tell me I had a dear Janet letter...they're like HUH...I'm like shit I need a lighter for this - huh - no for my cigarrette...The letter was cool, it didn't have any poison ink and actually seemed both optimistic and sad...I don't wanna disclose anything else - It is what it is...
2 years reduced to 3 pages.
Glimmers of the past, dirtied by wrath.
---
So I go stop at the Circle K for water and squares - and damn if that beeyotch didn't lock the door to mop the store. Call Ness - she's there and we yap on. We're laughin. Doors open and I get out of my ride...homeless dude is panhandling -- I hand him 2 bucks and say can you please watch my easel and don't let anyone near my car - he said sure. Dude on a bike is lookin' at me and smiling - I'm like whatever. Get my shit and get out the store - dude on the bike approaches me and I'm like what - he's like do you know where I can find your boyfriend? I said excuse me...he laughs and says your BOYFRIEND. I said I don't have one of those - I got chemo. He said oh N---- ain't your boyfriend. I said nope...not anymore.
Weird. Uber Weird...
---
Approaching the highway - cell rings - it's JT...Hey chitter chatter...i'm on the 202 merging to 51, doin' 90 MPH top down and easel in the passenger seat. We're just yappin' and laughin. I gotta say...I dunno why but when he says," i was hella jealous..." in that way...it makes me giggle.
Holla. I can't wait to see the cherry blossoms with you...
---
So I pull up to the diner still on the phone...get off the phone...say hi..get seated...I'm actually starving by the time I get there coz all i had all day was 6 espressos and a handful of pistachios. I order a cobb salad and water. At best I ate a 3rd of it coz old boy sure is yappy. Perhaps he's nervous - but he shouldn't be coz he's made it to date 2. We're talkin bout his work and we're talkin' bout my work...what do you do when your not workin....He's got quite the appetite and ate a burger the size of my head. hahahhaha. Somehow - he's really athletic though. It's kinna cool coz he doesn't try to hard and he doesn't say cheezy shit and even though I know he wants to he's not OVERT about tryin to hump me.
Now it's midnight and he's like we should go...
uh...
then...erm
then...J------ car ain't even on the main street yet...and this guy at the next table gives me this LOOK...and he says hello how are you tonight...i politely say fine thanks and I don't know how he manages it...but next thing I know he's standin' next to my table and we're yappin about fraud and what do i do and how long have I done it...
Fuckin' Brazilian dudes with the sexy accent...
and OH I have such a beautiful glow and wonderful face and obviously I take care of myself (I'm smokin' a cigarrette weirdo)...and I told him how old I am and he was in positve shock...He's blathering about living your dream keeps you young and shit.
HUH
He CONTINUES..."your confidence and class are so attractive - sexy even..." I'm like gee thanks - lookin' at my book longingly. I thanked him in this smarmy demure manner and said If you would have seen me 2 weeks ago i was a wreck. He laughed heartily and said then it was a very gorgeous wreck. HUH WUT...I was starting to fidget and he said...I'll let you do your writing. I said thanks - nice meeting you A-----. He said bye, but can i give you my number...I'm like erm - okay?!?
Oh helllllllllllllll no. I was so baffled I sent a cellcam piic to J and V. I'm so confused. Is this what it's like...to be single. I've only been non single for 2 years - why do I feel so out of the loop. The game seems faster...
So this is my new life. Workin' a smaller load, workin' less hours, makin' more gouda...doin what I like when I like and havin' scheduled massages. I go on random dates and within minutes of the date ending have a new number in hand. Oddworld but with a new look in my world. Lookin' through convertible eyes with cool winds blowin' my hair out of control...faster pussycat...slow down when the sun sets so you can watch...wishin for a view of the aurora borealis - fragments...in the sky...
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