12 Nov 2006: Who knows you best...

Let's start with the roughest part and work towards the buttery part.

...on work...

I went in today on my day off to do damage control on some cakes. I had lots of help and even after a double espresso and a diet rock star I was bleary. But I managed to stage everything for tomorrow, so with persistence and a bit of concentration all the lounges will be lined up.

...the wake up call...

I've had these late night bursts of alert shock. I will fall asleep and my eyes will pop open as if I need to do something so then it's a fitful fight to get back in sleep mode. Last night was no different so I fell to deep sleep about 4ish. No big deal - I wasn't worried, but then my phone went off at about 10:30-ish and it was Mommy 2. She really wanted me to come in and start staging...I was like no problem I'll be there by 1. I'm cool about it - coz you know I love my work, but a part of me is grouchy status coz I really just wanted to lay in bed all day. So I talk to April then I pop in the shower and I hear my phone go off and it's a text message...

"Good morning. You don't know me but I met your sister last night and she wanted me to have your number. Lol! By the way my name is L***."

...on the oddity and sense...

I responded," Haha, are you serious..."

He replied," Yes, I guess she thought we would look cute together. Smile!"

---I pause for a minute, to call my sister. Uh no answer. Fuckin' Drunkie - gotta love her, I know she was knocked out at Linda's. So we're playin text tag and I'm laughin as i send,"Can you get pics on your phone..." he's like,"If you are sending a pic of you yes, if you aren't no. I'm excited."

Well my stupide razor isn't sending pics - so I just call him and say give me your email - my phone isn't sending pics. He's like your sister told me you have a myspace, then he gives me his email to add him. UH HE'S VERY HANDSOME. Bwaa hahahaha. So he's not able to look at my shit coz he's doin' some Marketing thing all day at Nascar - but tells me he'll call me when he sees it and then told me i have a sexy voice and can't wait to see the pics, and would I like to meet later tonight for a drink or something. I'm like I get off work by 10 just call me since my sister already co signed for his ass - a drink wasn't gonna hurt anyone.

So that was around noon. The curiousity was killin' me, coz I got no reaction from him regarding pics and shit - so I sent him a text and said,"so did you see my pic???" and he replied,"I'm about to now."

So I went back to work and shit just hammering out sweet stuff. It's like almost 2 hours and I still din't get a reaction out of this cat. Oh HEYUUUUUUL NO. So I sent him a text and said,"Damn, did I scare you or what... Bwaa hahahahhah"

He immediately replied, "You are the most beautiful lady I've seen in a long time in fact you're fucking hot! I called and you didn't answer." So I check my phone and shit it's on silent with only the text on vibrate. Okay - So I'm the knucklehead in this one. I told him I'm slammed with work let me call you in an hour. He's like okay, but you are too hot to be single, what's really goin' on. I told him. He was kind enough to join the community concensus,"What a dumb ass!" That shit made me laugh all night. When a stranger calls it like it is - that's HIGH-larious.

So I get to work, organize, strategize, make phone calls...crunch some stuff - boost on some protein with extra extra hot sauce. Clean up, Break it down and then Gear up. The kids at the shop still laugh when i do my 3 turns then it's time to go thing. They are always like Ooooooh...we love you, you're sexy, you're beautiful...I think they just like my cooking.

<--Chriss, my fave espressito!!!

I'm all ready and I saunter next door to get an espresso and talk to Chriss and CC. My phone rings and it's L***. He tells me where they are gonna be and I tell him okay I'll pop down to Mill Ave it's only like 15 minutes from where I'm at. So I get down there and it's freakin' mayhem foot traffic. I call him after I flip a 'yatch and say where you at - he's like at Zuma Grill - I'm like hell no - there's too much activity here, I'm gonna drive past there in the Mini convertible...and he's like okay. So I pull up and say, "Get in..." Bwaa hahhaha Boooossssssy.

So I tell him," I can park and we can go join your friends - or I know a more chill spot down the street..." He's like let's go to that spot...So we go to Trax Lounge. He actually told me good call - nice kick it spot. And we're talkin' and it's been a long week for him goin out every night and up at 5am. Ditto for me - so I apologize in advance if I'm a bit bleary, but I was more than glad to be out with him. He apologized for the same shit. You know he's really impressed that my sister gave him my number. hahahha. Weirdly enough...we got along really well. More so than any of the dates and shit I've been on.

...What's up...

...what's up with his REAL roots...

...what's up with his DOUBLE DEGREE and his humility...

...what's up with PINNING ME TO A WALL then dancing on me until I blushed under the red light. Of course I feigned like I don't dance and then I threw one on him at the bar...and he said haha i knew it! If a man can move like that on the floor - you damn well know what he can do in bed...

...what's up with him being a DOPE TIPPER...he left her a tip half the size of his open tab and he didn't even flinch...

...what's up with being a TOTAL GENTLEMAN but having a lusty look towards me...that shit is Hot...

...what's up with the SEXY SCENT OF A MAN...aiiiigh...

...what's up with him and dad havin the same BIRTHDAY...

...what's up with all the BLUNT QUESTIONS, and the look of bemusement when I answer so truthfully...

...what's up with him telling me I LIKE YOUR SHOES...so I lifted up my jeans and showed him. He's like I love shoes and feet and smiles...and gave me this shit eating grin. I said no way. Then we spoke about Italy and shit. I couldn't believe how natural...

...what's up with SENSE OF COMMUNITY, awww...

...what's up with another INDEPENDENT GO GETTER, who can ask you what your future plans are and actually have his OWN future plans...

...what's up with HUGS LIFTIN ME OFF THE GROUND..ayyy...

---

...on Just a smidgen...

I'm glad Keyla and Linda did a great job callin' this one. He actually was a good fit. And I'm not all in love and shit. But...i'm a smidgen less jaded, coz there is living proof of education, good home rearing, deep rooted family background, conversational skill, and YES April he didn't spell one damn thing wrong. It's nice to see that there are men out there who are calm and collected and just damn WITH it. It's dope to have a conversation with someone who has a good time and is unapologetic about admiring your beauty. You gotta love tall confident sexy men who smile openly with smashingly nice teeth.

I was actually sad that this date ended. Unlike the others i RAN from.

---

He called while I was driving home to see if I made it okay while he was feedin' his Drunkey friends - hahahha. I said almost - I just gotta stop to get Kuya some soda. He's like okay, call me when you get home -- so I know you made it safe. I confessed,"I'm shocked you didn't go in for the kiss L***. He said in a hushed tone," I wanted to kiss you from that first minute I saw you - but I'll wait - believe me..." Bwaa hahahhha - but all i said was Ayyyyyy yay yay...

We'll see.

---

The day started out Sour but ended up Sweet...

It's the little things right...

It is what it is...

14 Oct 2006: Bi Bim Bap and the Boogie...

So I'm asleep this morning and the phone rings and I pick it up...It's my brother and he's like hey we're at the Korean Joint - what do you want - I'm like bi bim bap Foo !!! He's like Wut. I'm like Beeh Beam Bop...He's like okay. Steve comes up to the door and drops off rent for the west house. I weigh in...oops lost another 2 lbs. Meander around the yard with the dogs and then my brother and sister get here.

I MURDERED THE FOOD. I don't know why. That spicy vegetable goodness makes me so happy. All that crunchin and munchin with bits of sweet marinated beef - HELL YEAH.

I like that me and the sibs have always been like that - even when we go out to eat or pop by a bakery we always call home to see if anyone wants anything. Everyone is always included. No one is forgotten.

---

Date tonight. Date tomorrow before I leave. I gotta give M--- credit. He's securing his pole position in this dating arena. Truth is this guy is really cool, I mean genuinely so. I like the fact that he is attentive and affectionate. I like the fact that he has a strong point without being all in your face about shit. I like that he's unapologetic about having an opinion. He really is a gentleman and albeit I won't disclose any recent conversations with him, he is TRUTHFUL --- even if it causes him discomfort. I like it. I think he likes me. I think he digs me.I think he digs that look in my eyes.I think he digs that Miyake misted on my clean skin. I think I think he's feelin' my idiosyncratic verbal boogie.

Don't even front...I know what your thinkin, when you lean in for that 3rd picture. Don't even front...I can feel your nose against the softest part of my neck. Don't even front...I know what you're thinkin' when you give my hair a gentle tug. Don't even front...I see your eyes gettin' bigger. Don't even front...I felt your lips brush against my cheek after you whispered in my ear...Don't even front...your heartpounding shows in your eyes.

..

You know there's a LOT to be said about natural chemistry. Sometimes it happens and sometimes it doesn't. In this case it has...but there's no cause for alarm. He's asked me so what do you think and I said I think we're good and we should just let things happen naturally. I can sense his impatience. We'll see...we'll see if he actually has a little urge control...Sometimes chefgirls are worth the wait.

----

and we're off. It's another Saturday.

Happy Weekend Everyone...do something nice for yourself. do something nice for someone you love. Just do SOMETHING...

05 Oct 2006: En Garde...Bwaa hahahhaa

...Guns don't kill people, words do...

Temporary ceasefire...okay guys - no more roasting you know who. I'm calling a CONDITIONAL peace treaty as long as all of my conditions are met. I know you are all gonna talk all the shit you want. But as you are all adults and I neither encourage or discourage you - carry on.

I will say this:

If you are angry, it's at no one but yourself...

If I sit in graceful silence, it does not mean I'm weak...

You sneak up in my house like a nasty ass

cockroach, i'm squashin your dirty crawlin ass...

...En Garde...

Hey you, yeah you in the shiny new shoes - no more makin' fun of my dates names - you sound like PePe Le Pew. Okay so this morning J------ calls at 10:30 am and I'm like are you fuckin' insane I dont' wake up until noonish. He's like oh sorry you told me to call on Wednesday and it's Wednesday, so you wanna go do something later. "Okay okay, diner 10 ish..." Happy sigh - okay see you then. Jeez...

---

so the day drags..and it starts off good and I'm so full of song the last few days and laughter. I'm myself again and healed up in record time. I'm workin' at a steady clip now that I have an assistant all I focus on is beauty and taste. So I get a text from the homie Z----, and I leave him a voicemail to just call me - then it's not the homie Z----- but an echo of the past which explodes into a yell fest while i'm mid chocolate. His yelling included," go ahead and date some rich fuckin' butterhorn with spikey hair --- I don't care. Ah, but I know you do. My heart is pounding, I'm breathing hard, I'm sharpening knives. Calm down calm down calm down. Eventually the call tones itself down and it's some kind of old civility. I'm not backin' down and he's not backin down...Just poisonous.

my best friend is buggin out and now my heart is aching in a different spot for another important person in my life...

the cakes call and I wrap it up, get dressed and get out...

The children did a double take and I laughed...I said am I lookin' a little different than the chefcoat kids...OMGGGGGGGGGGGGG they squeal - where you goin? somewhere... OMGGG you have a date huh chef girl. haahaha - yes, I confess. Spoiled brats but they are mine.

Mommy stops by and checks on me and she says OH...another date? new guy same guy...I said this one made it to date 2. oh do you like him...I said I guess...she laughed and said I think your not ready honey...I have to say this about Mommy - as real as she is...she asked me when I was sad and quiet - you want to forgive him honey? I said it's not possible mommy. She said then you are strong...So off she runs - fabulous mommy on her million solo march...

---

...stop at the homie hideout:

G--- is there and I mention the turtle painting I've been wanting from him and he points at a canvas and says I'm gonna do it...I said YAY - I will make you noodles...I love the boys...and Thanksgiving is ON no matter what...coz who can resist sausage cornbread stuffing...

pick up italian painting easel, cookie jar, 6 books, 2 pair of escrima sticks...oh shit i forgot my Breez painting...I'll have to call the boys...Tucked in the top book is a 3 page letter...I told everyone hey you din't tell me I had a dear Janet letter...they're like HUH...I'm like shit I need a lighter for this - huh - no for my cigarrette...The letter was cool, it didn't have any poison ink and actually seemed both optimistic and sad...I don't wanna disclose anything else - It is what it is...

2 years reduced to 3 pages.

Glimmers of the past, dirtied by wrath.

---

So I go stop at the Circle K for water and squares - and damn if that beeyotch didn't lock the door to mop the store. Call Ness - she's there and we yap on. We're laughin. Doors open and I get out of my ride...homeless dude is panhandling -- I hand him 2 bucks and say can you please watch my easel and don't let anyone near my car - he said sure. Dude on a bike is lookin' at me and smiling - I'm like whatever. Get my shit and get out the store - dude on the bike approaches me and I'm like what - he's like do you know where I can find your boyfriend? I said excuse me...he laughs and says your BOYFRIEND. I said I don't have one of those - I got chemo. He said oh N---- ain't your boyfriend. I said nope...not anymore.

Weird. Uber Weird...

---

Approaching the highway - cell rings - it's JT...Hey chitter chatter...i'm on the 202 merging to 51, doin' 90 MPH top down and easel in the passenger seat. We're just yappin' and laughin. I gotta say...I dunno why but when he says," i was hella jealous..." in that way...it makes me giggle.

Holla. I can't wait to see the cherry blossoms with you...

---

So I pull up to the diner still on the phone...get off the phone...say hi..get seated...I'm actually starving by the time I get there coz all i had all day was 6 espressos and a handful of pistachios. I order a cobb salad and water. At best I ate a 3rd of it coz old boy sure is yappy. Perhaps he's nervous - but he shouldn't be coz he's made it to date 2. We're talkin bout his work and we're talkin' bout my work...what do you do when your not workin....He's got quite the appetite and ate a burger the size of my head. hahahhaha. Somehow - he's really athletic though. It's kinna cool coz he doesn't try to hard and he doesn't say cheezy shit and even though I know he wants to he's not OVERT about tryin to hump me.

Now it's midnight and he's like we should go......i say WE should WHAT...he said oh i'm sorry I meant to say i should go I have an early day. I said you can bail - I'm going to stay and do some writing...He gives me a kiss on the cheek and waves...did I mention he asked for a 3rd date ? The jury is out on that one Fa Sho...

uh...

then...erm

then...J------ car ain't even on the main street yet...and this guy at the next table gives me this LOOK...and he says hello how are you tonight...i politely say fine thanks and I don't know how he manages it...but next thing I know he's standin' next to my table and we're yappin about fraud and what do i do and how long have I done it...

Fuckin' Brazilian dudes with the sexy accent...

and OH I have such a beautiful glow and wonderful face and obviously I take care of myself (I'm smokin' a cigarrette weirdo)...and I told him how old I am and he was in positve shock...He's blathering about living your dream keeps you young and shit.

HUH

He CONTINUES..."your confidence and class are so attractive - sexy even..." I'm like gee thanks - lookin' at my book longingly. I thanked him in this smarmy demure manner and said If you would have seen me 2 weeks ago i was a wreck. He laughed heartily and said then it was a very gorgeous wreck. HUH WUT...I was starting to fidget and he said...I'll let you do your writing. I said thanks - nice meeting you A-----. He said bye, but can i give you my number...I'm like erm - okay?!?

Oh helllllllllllllll no. I was so baffled I sent a cellcam piic to J and V. I'm so confused. Is this what it's like...to be single. I've only been non single for 2 years - why do I feel so out of the loop. The game seems faster...

So this is my new life. Workin' a smaller load, workin' less hours, makin' more gouda...doin what I like when I like and havin' scheduled massages. I go on random dates and within minutes of the date ending have a new number in hand. Oddworld but with a new look in my world. Lookin' through convertible eyes with cool winds blowin' my hair out of control...faster pussycat...slow down when the sun sets so you can watch...wishin for a view of the aurora borealis - fragments...in the sky...

01 Oct 2006: I made it home by curfew

soooo...you wanna see what's up.

i guess some of you might have read the previous blog or noticed my calendar...so i went on a date tonight. I almost cancelled. I was out until about 430am and woke up about 9ish to run errands and get a massage and go shopping...By the time I got home I wasn't much in the mood to get pretty...On top of that I have to listen to my grown ass brother teasing me oh you gotta date with J------, bwaa hahahah he laughs all hearty and shit...he said go put some clean panties on Foo !!! "you gotta daaaaaaaate, you gottttta daaaaaaaaate..." Just ridiculous funny like when we were in high school. so i just went in black and white and poofy ponytail...Rockin' lipgloss like armor.

I was about 30 minutes late...he din't even trip...all he said was,"Oh there she is the girl i've been waiting for and laughed..."

Guy talks...girl nods. Girl talks...guy grins. Guy asks girl what she would like...girl says I can order for myself thanks anyhow. Appetizers. A beer or two. Main Course. more chitter - more chatter. He moves some stray hair away from my temple. He wants to sit closer and I neither stop nor encourage him. Tick tock tick tock. Hows your food? great - hows yours. He doesn't seem put off at all by my obvious aloofness. I warned him though - I'm straight off the battlefield - you don't wanna take a girl like me on a date. His shiny green eyes are so pretty. After the beer I relax a bit, after the meal i feel a bit sick. It's bill time and I don't give a fuck I reach for it. He laughs and swats my hand, you are so stubborn give me that...then it's off to some trendy cafe for a coffee and dessert. Yes to coffee - no to dessert.

Turns out we've travelled the same cities and same countries...

Turns out he's rather educated albeit boring

Turns out his humble pie ain't expired

He's feelin me he's there...

But I'm just not there...

---

The coffee joint closed at midnight and we walked to our cars. We lingered about 30 minutes more just yappin about I don't even know what - my face felt all numb and shit. He asks AGAIN...he wants a sequel. I told him maybe yes, maybe no - but definitely maybe...Call me at the end of the week and let me consider it.

See that shit right there would have made me leave if i was the guy. But he just nodded all cool and shit and was like I'll come by the shop - I'm like okay no problem...I mean shit that's where I met him - that's where he stalked me. bwaaa hahhaa...He's really an awesome guy - it's just bad timing and dating puts a yucky taste in my mouth

But FuQQiT - let's see how I feel on Friday...

---

so I said goodbye...and he gave me a kiss on the cheek and I let him...It was so touching to see his face turn boyish as he tried. So back on the Highway - I always feel like I'm movin. I took these pics while I was driving with the top down on the convertible on the way home.

I looked at them - I'm so jaded now...I don't like anything.

Hit it from the Back

Hit it from the Front

Hit it from the side...

---

...on Last Night...

there was way too much shit and activity going on and simply put - I know who cares and loves for me. You can't solicit or manipulate loyalty and affection. It was poured on me though and I was confident of whom my friends are and now I really KNOW...

I'm not going to quote anybody or put anyone on deck. As mr Somebody says --- some shit should remain between TWO people and I'll honor that shit...But thank you, thank you so so so much.

as for you motherfuckers that try to play 2 sides against the middle. I know who you are and you know what you did. Don't even try to play. As much as I loved any of you I can quickly despise you. You are already there. Don't cross my path, my hands now move of their own volition.

---

...weird...

Where did all these hot guys and hot HOT Asian guys in Dope trucks come from and why are they at stoplights waving me down mouthing, " I love you" and when I say yah right with a handjob motion they laugh and say i DO girl...I'm like spare me foolio - then I laugh and make a phone motion to my head and say call me on Sunday Baby we'll do dimsum at which point all his homies laugh at him and say she got you dude...then the light turns green on perfect time and I peel off into the night.

---

Life just keeps movin...Europe calls, I'll have to answer soon.

24 Sept 2006: Forewarned is Forearmed Foolios!!!

I went on a coffee date last Friday. It was okay. He didn't say anything I haven't heard before and despite his beautiful eyes and lanky muscularity. I felt like it was just polite conversation. He's asked me to coffee, lunch, drinks and the like and I had always said NO since I was 'in a relationship.' or at least I thought I was and that part of being in a relationship was being faithful. But back to the topic at hand. We sat there - I was suckin down a quad espresso. He had some frothy frozen whip cream joint. I laughed at the right time...nodded at other times...and shrugged sometimes. But J-----'s eyes - well they positively gleamed. His smile positively beamed. He was always leaning towards me and I had to lean away. He said so can I call you - I said sure - but not right now, I have to be somewhere and I got into the Cooper and left.

I have a date next Saturday. Another cat who'd asked me out previously. I've never denied this fool is hot, every woman in a 10 mile radius would look at him with raw hunger on her face. Old women, young women, teenage girls and even the queens gave him a lusty glance. He'd walk in the shop and go on and on with his European accent about my sunkissed skin and glossy wet looking hair and the serious look I always gave the beautiful cakes. I would just shrug it off. Apparently someone told him that I'm on the market again (and when I find who did it i'll have their ass)...So he popped into the coffee shop while I was gettin an espresso and he asked what's one of your favourite foods. I said Thai? He asked and what kind of movies do you watch - I said in a monotone,"foreign or kung fu..." The barrista hands me my shit and I say bye J------. He said wait - would you like to go to Thaiger and to see Fearless...I rolled my fucking eyes at him and said it's short notice isn't it - you're not THAT fine. He replied," then you pick the day.". with one of those bastardly laughs. I said fine, next Saturday.

Bitches were hating in the coffee shop. My nonchalance was shocking to them. Yah so what - you want him - take his fuckin green eyed ass.

And last but not least is B----. I've seen him around for a year. He invited me to the shooting range, coz I mentioned that I've never shot anything but a shotgun. I said my calendar is whacky until November, find someone else to play with...

the WARNING...

I dunno if these mothuhfuckas can just smell the fresh wounds on my heart and are circling my ass trying to prescribe some voluntary consolation dick. I dunno if the sad look in my eyes combined with the hardness of my face is suddenly appealing. I dunno if it's something in the air. I do know this. If you ask me out, I'm not going be responsive. If you ask me out and I say yes, it's because I'm getting back in the saddle so I don't get spooked about riding later. If you ask me out and even get a second date, it still doesn't mean shit, coz i'm mad as hell but i'm not mad at you. Don't speak to me of my beauty or brains or my go getter shit - I'm not feeling that. I'm not playin' hard to get it's GENUINE disinterest. So to my local and not so local friends - if you have friends who want to ask about me, ask me out, fuck me, suck me, woo me or boo me --- warn his fucking ass, this is martial law and I'm the dictator.

on SUNDAYS...

Sundays are painful. Anyone who has ever had anyone knows that Sundays are the most painful thing of alll. It's the day you spend together nesting and being close to get ready for Monday. It's the day you lay in bed on and off all day laying in the milky scented hot skin of someone you love. I am enraged and saddened by the current condition of my life. I've been damn strong for 11 days. My mind is moving faster than my hands which groove on autopilot. It's a damn curse to have this resilience. But I will take what I was gifted with. Through rage and tears and hurt and exhaustion - I'll make it through, I have no choice but to succeed.

on PHYSICAL MANIFESTATIONS...

Gettin your heart broken is like takin ecstacy without the ecstacy. Back hurtin, head hurtin, stomach fucked up, thirsty than a mothuhfucka, knees weak, lips bitten, eyes dried open...

I'm vomitting randomly - I think that's disgust

My head hurts - I think that's bafflement

My eyes burn - I didn't see this coming

My backs all twisted - Coz he tried to crush me and failed

...so after 10 or 11 days I've lost 16 lbs. I met my best AZ girl Katie at Coffee Plantation for mo' coffe and mo' squares and I saw her for her birthday about a week ago...she looked at me in white capris, black tee with all my cleavage out and black platform wedges and said,"Goooodness girl, you look great but what the HELL..." I'm eating....but nothing tastes good. So when my stomach gurgles I eat enough to shut it up. I've cooked so many meals since this breakup and I haven't even tasted a bite of it...fortunately I can trust my nose to judge salt and heat. Even water tastes bitter to me...I dont think i'm gonna be the same again. At least not about food and love...But it's okay if I go down, at least i'll go down and someone can carry me to the car...

...i WANNA

I want to thank everyone for rallyin' to me, around me and for me. I wanna thank all of you for reminding me that I am always still myself. I wanna thank Mommy Mei for tellin' me a chinese phrase,"Out of 10 men 11 are bad..." When friends call or come into my work area and say how are you and they look at you with love and concern and tenderness, it kind of resucitates my heart a bit. This strong outpour and consistent concern reminds me that all the good things I've done are recognized. It's nice when you plant seeds and shit bears fruit right. If none of you have heard from me this weekend it's because I'm giving you all a break...I know it's only been 10 days but as much as you love me how many times can you hear about my heart dying...

...on RANDOM NOW THOUGHTS

It wasn't always bad. It was often very beautiful.

But things never end that way...but everything passes...

Some people don't understand disrespect and disloyalty...

I'm tired of tryin' to explain anything and everything...

So I forced a goodbye - a nice permanent goodbye.

I feel better and I feel worse. So I guess that means i feel nothing.

I'm just workin hard. I'm hopin and I'm prayin that if I work harder and faster that today will become yesterday more quickly. If I don't sit still and turn in revolutions sadness won't sit on me.

Don't ever say that you yearn for me. You are nothing but a wandering ghost to me --- soulless, aimless and tortured.

The mystery of what we could have been is solved...

I've seen we were nothing, nothing at all...

I heard that timeout cost you the game...

I smell hatred not scented love...

I taste that bitter bullshit you laid out...

I touched upon those tears,

but you weren't cryin' for anyone but yourself...

---