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Tuesday, December 20, 2005

20 Dec 2005: Kickstart Farting, Mailing and Parting..

okay everyone around me seems to think it's okay to fart around me and do it proudly...thankfully i haven't passed out or been shocked by anything of a septic nature...

i dunno why i still laugh like i'm in freakin 5th grade and it cracks me up...

my sister: looks across at us and says Shhhhhh **finger to lips** and we say wuuuuut - and it's like brwaaa-tat-tat-tat...

my sister part 2: squeaks one out - and turns to dog..."MAAAX - damn"

my brother: booty boombox fart blast then looks behind himself and says, "why you talkin shit..."

my brother as a kid: does a fake palm to head push and says "yaaaah, you're healed" while simultaneously farting

my boything: looks at me after silencer and says - ohhh Bae....i look at him and say OMG - ur goiing to kill me...

my boything lately: lifts his right leg and makes kung fu face then pumps the air as if he's kickstarting a moped...face tightens up more - but no results. i hate this one the most because i'm anticipating an assault to my nose but nothing

me: ninja poots. i alternate between escalator leavings and walking fast and leaving them behind so as to 'frame' the person behind me for my gas crimes. in almost all cases that would be my boyfriend...


It is really difficult to play the part of the charming chef girl when people are becoming increasingly chintzy. Now, if we kept the shop in a cheaper district I would anticipate a bit of penny pinching. But don't roll up in your Porsche Cayenne and your face lifted and wince at the price of custom cakes. I mean seriously the richer they are the more ungrateful and the cheaper they are. They make the girls jump through hoops and never ever tip them - it's really annoying to me.

Also, I will not make you any kind of mainstream theme cake - so take dora, spiderman, powderpuff girls and all that shit and shove it up your augmented ass. If you want that shit go to safeway. I will make you pulled sugar roses, little ladybugs and flowers made of marzipan, meringue christmas trees and mangos carved into chrysanthemums...but i don't do Disney - okay. I even made someone a marijuana leaf and blunt made out of marzipan...of course that never saw the display case it went straight to box and out the door. I will not let people make decisions who have no idea what they are doing - ie) do not order a raspberry mint mousse. I will let them sample until I can see they won't regret making such a pricey purchase.

When will people learn that money does not equivocate taste.

I'm working christmas eve. I don't know how I feel about it yet. I'll tell you later. We mailed cookies and gifts out and I'm glad we handled all that on Monday - the post office looked bonkers - with like all 20 carspaces moving and moving and moving...we walked into this one on 20th street - and I like this one because it's busy but everyone that works there is fast. I looked at the wall it said numbr 89. I looked at the one in my hand it said number 15. WHAT THE this lady is sitting right by the number thing says take this one - and it said number 3. I was like oh HEY thanks...freakin bonkers - people had HELLA packages - nu UH. next year I do my mail out 2 wks before xmas... But I must admit I got lucky this year - coz Keyla went to Calie and i sent her with a suitcase of cookies - how hilarious is that.

I love the faces of grandmothers mailing gifts to their grandchildren, they touch the boxes and you can seee their happy thoughts of those little bebe's.

i already got my xmas gift - i'm a bad girl.

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