05 Nov 05: It evades me

sleep evades me...the last two nights i've gotten a total of maybe 7 hours sleep. Combine that with 8-9 hours per day on my feet in chef clogs then ending the night with another 5-7 hours in stiletto boots. The nights before that I got 5 hours of sleep a night max. I know I'm such a trooper for holding it down. but today - i'm pooped. Just plain old exhausted. I think for a change I might actually sleep hard. At least I hope so.

Tonight I worked all day in a haze since I stayed out last night til about 2am or so. I'm glad I went though coz nuSun and Keyla had fun and I think they both needed those drinks. After work I had committed to going to a baby shower for one of the girls at the shop. our GM L------ is so cool about this shit. Obviously I haven't had time to make anything since I've been running around with my head cut off and the sky is falling and all that shit. So I bought a premade cake and finished it. I actually ended up buying 2. The bakery hoe was like that's all we have, I said you can't just ice a cake in plain white because I have marzipan pieces and chocolate of my own. She said no - we're behind schedule. I said I don't give a shit about your schedule - as a customer what i'm asking you is if you can squeeze in a plain cake and charge me full price. That hoe said noooo. So I worked with the two and then built a tower of diapers with bows and Rocky brought in a stuffed puppy and stuffed pony for the top of it. It was a little faux cake built up entirely of diapers. It looked fabulous on the table with the food and cake surrounding it. I had originally told the GM I'll clock out and make up the chocolate time on Tuesday - coz I don't wanna lag on projects I should have done at home. She said why - just stay on the clock, but you can't spend 5 hours on marzipan. bwaa hahahah. That was really cool of her. She didn't have to do that.

Esther was rather gracious about everything and we genuinely love her. Frankly, she is one of the most beautiful preggo women I've ever seen. She was just genuinely happy to have all her friends and family around her - and I love seeing happy people. Her twin is just fucking hilarious - and I love to watch the two of them bicker - it's so entertaining...

I started thinking about it - There were over 25 women in that room - with random boyfriends and fiancees having beers in the garage. I don't even know 25 women in Arizona that I would invite to any kind of kitschy event like that. All my cousins are far away. My best friends are in Calie...bwaa hahaha - I guess it's good I don't do kitschy huh. LMFAO.

Pics will be posted later after L------ gives mee a copy tomorrow.

12 Nov 2005: Sparrows and Soul

Sparrows and Soul

I acquired the jasonrudolphpena piece...got poked in the butt inadvertently with a cello stick...ooops booty alert. I'm so tickled I just love this piece so much...it's almost scary...but i love it so...And if anyone out there gives a shit I want the natalie wood piece for christmas....

then we went to the Loft...

fun times - saw gia and tim and phat e and everyone. n.... had a drink, keyla had 3 and i had watah!!! there was a girl with a mullet in disguise taking everyones pics...i dunno - i let her. Some drunken girl came up to me and said - are you Asian - I said yes. She said ohhh ur so pretty. I said, erm thanks. Then she crouched down - like she was coppin a squat and said in my face - is that your real hair. Bwaa hahahhaha. I said yes. She said are you sure - I said yes I wake up it looks like this, I go to bed it looks like this, I blowdry or airdry - it looks like this. She said nu Uh. I said yes, fine fuckin' touch it. Dude - she really mussed my shit up good. I just laughed and shook my head and it all went back into place. She said OMG i hate you. bwaa hahaha.

This bitch. Bwaaa hahahahhah

01 Nov 2005: my day off

i woke up early by habit...

but it's my day off damnnit...

soo i'm goin back to bed

coz i can

maybe drop dead

and wake up in the next lifetime instead...

but i can't coz i have a lot to do

a lot to share

a lot to teach

so i think i'll stay awhile.

even if these tides are changing

in a fucking waterless dessert

31 Oct 2005: Myspace engagement nevasoba/ms thang

they met on here

then met

then fell

then fell in love

What I love about them is that even though they are together they are still their own individuals. What I love about them is that LOVE HAS NOT DULLED THEIR SENSE OF SELF, but it has actually increased it and they stride through life together. It is par for course that they are best friends, soulmates, lovers, equals and all of that so the natural succession of things has lead to forever.

and now they are engaged...

we are spaceland friends

and when i talk to them

i feel like a piece of me is always home

and i think they are the best...

congratulations daisy and jon...

**OMG OMG OMG**

congratulations

i just lub lub lub u guys

29 Oct 2005: Just Delete That Shit

i'm tired of this verbal hide and seek...

i hate it that he wrenched my heart a bit

just by sayin, " i miss you damnnit "

i hate it that he is such a brujo to my bruja...

so before i forget, or before he deletes it

this is a comment i posted on his page

it refers to a dream i had...

---

10/28/2005 9:54:00 PM

i suppose you want to know
but...
i don't think so
i...
thought perhaps i could tell
but my pen on that paper fell
stabbing, oozing ink
telling what
i had dreamt
one night
after
you

i suppose you'll let me know
if...
but then you wouldn't
would you?


i suppose i'd rather
just...
scald myself
than tell

---

to be honest i'm surprised he even approved the comment - as fascist as he is about what goes on and off his pages as he has become servient to the drama of the girls around him...we talked one night and there was something just so damn sincere and vulnerable in his voice - i became haunted. to the point that that night i dreamt...

The dream was fast and blurry but bright like a wong kar wai movie. I kept hearing bubbly noises behind me. I could feel a faint rumble under my feet...i could smell stenchy travellers and dead cigarros...

I was packing and unpacking repeatedly and hurriedly as if I were running late and I had no idea where my destination is...I felt a distinct excitement but an even more pervasive sense of wonder.

I was on a boat or ship of some sort and a girl of some sort was trying to borrow shoes while i was standing at an espresso bar. I know it was the fall. It smelled like fall. I had a tiny suitcase filled with nothing but shoes. She kept speaking to me in Italian at a ridiculous clip...Once I started to get annoyed with this signorina --- I realized exactly where I was - I was on the ferry from Dover to Calais...I looked down at the little mules on my feet and laughed coz I was en route to paris in shoes that wouldn't stay on. I slam my espresso and walk towards the starboard doors because I like to watch the water go from cold to warm on the english channel. As I walk down the hall I see Joseph David sauntering down that hallway with a half cocked grin. I pause but keep walking and the sun is filtering through the doors behind him. I just let out the moist boisterous laugh and run towards him and literally run out of my shoes. I jump up to him and he catches me and I wrap my legs around his waist. I say okay okay you fucker - I love you. He laughs and says you barefoot brat and kisses me all over my face...and bites my bottom lip. I squeeze harder with my legs and I hear 2 places in his spine crack (towards the tailbone)...I feign shock and Say I broke your Back!!! In the sweetest voice I've ever heard he says, " no mama you didn't... "

I could feel his hand on the small of my back and then i woke up.

---

I even stopped midcake to write it down on a scrap of paper. I just couldn't bear the thought of letting such a dream drift away...

---

The entire dream just stayed on instant replay all that day.

At first it was enticing to me

Then it just bothered me

---

what does it matter...nothing will come of it right. but why do i feel so sad right now...just plain old sad...

28 Oct 2005: I give up

I give up

i'm tired of waiting...

i'm off to bed...

perhaps i'll dream again

of the ferry from dover to calais...

and the pavements of paris thereafter

28 Oct 2005: Hey Epademik

Hey Epademik...

Hey Epademik...it was most fun at dinner - you are the best and a living reminder that the pursuit of what we love as a career is the only choice in this short short life. I can't wait to come out for the wedding next month coz it's gonna be grizzzzeat. You will always have my respect as on creative soul to the other...and as a friend. You've been such a friend to us - and always will be and I look forward to meeting the Loveliscious Linda...Thank you for my CD - coz you know what always sits in the 3 disc player - oh yes, Epademik...the fresh squeezed Emcee Esquire of L'orange County...howz dat?