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Thursday, November 29, 2007

29 Nov 2007: Love Abuse...Love Let Loose

Love Abuse...

Lately...I've been assaulted with those sugary words,"i love you." This absolutely gets on my nerves because it is a flippant use of a word combination that has significance. Well it has significance if it has equivocal value...which means if t has any kind of meaning to you - you will act LOVE as much as you SAY love. There are a few particular people who have said this to me to detract me from irritation or aggravation specifically for them. I finally said to one of them,"Do NOT say that to me anymore. Don't tell me you love me when you don't even love your OWN fuckin' ass - it gets on my nerves." He said,"really?" I said,"Deeply." Did I mention that I said this in a coffee house in front of a heap of people and in front of my barista bebe Cord? You know why...I embarrassed his dumb ass because it embarrassed me to have to listen to him say it for months. That was that and he learned his lesson.

A second example of ths annoying shit is someone sayin,"...But I love you Sauce..." I finally started retorting in a bored monotone,"No you don't - you love YOU..." and I stroll off.

Albeit I love strongly and fearlessly because that is one of my gifts, I do NOT care if people love ME. I do not care about the praise or approval of strangers, acquaintances, my friends or even my family. I only care that I meet my personal standards and that I exemplify the lessons of MY elders and the women who came before me. I am confident that I act in love towards those who matter, so everything else is irrelevant.

I keep my bullshit wipers brand spankin' new.


Love Let Loose.

We stunt separately and together. It is not unusual for Julian to play cards or hit the bar with the boys and neither is it unusual if I go stunting with Wendizzle. It is also normal for him to invite me out with his friends and vice versa. This kind of freedom "LOOSED" is new to me. It is not any form of babysitting but rather a genuine invitation and a sense of pride in 'showin off' the person you love.

What is the cutest thing is when he comes home and says,"Thank God I'm not single anymore - there's nuthin' but dummies out there..." or says,"Your man has mad game.." (bwaa hahahaha). More recently...I've been spending time at the North Phoenix house because Mom was in the country - and I'll disappear for 1 or 2 days and then meet him at his crib and he says,"I really missed you Bebe," and rain kisses and hugs and the biggest smile on his face. Some say that eventually the honeymoon is gonna be over - actually, I don't think it's even begun...He acts like he hasn't seen me in a year

1 year ago...

1 week ago...


'Nuff Sed.

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