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Wednesday, December 13, 2006

13 Dec 2006: Buggin' Out, Holdin' Out, Laughin' Out...Loud.

...Buggin' Out...

I got 2 phone calls last night from the cat who previously held title on "best date ever" that is - until WENDY LEE knocked his ass out the game. He called to let me know that he was stayin' updated on my blogs and felt jealousy when seeing photos of other men with their arms around me...


At first stroke my ego was feelin' kind of inflated. Then I just couldn't wrap my head around it...this cat repeatedly saying that he was attracted to me and thinking that would sway any of my current behaviors. I mean he IS foine and shit, but I'm over that. Look Man...I'm the girl about town and I'm not spoken for. I'm doing what I do and I'm welcome where I go. Nothing any man does will sway me with the exception of my brothers and my father. Unfortunately for this cat - he's just a distant blog of the past. I do not want to hear that shit - I don't want any further spewings on my beauty and my brains and my sex appeal and the remnants of whatever chemistry we had. It's over. You were cut then you fell off.

...Holdin' Out...

So --- J*****'s discipline and control are bottomless. Ain't that something. I suppose some men think that if they flex their mind and go head muscle to head muscle with me it might mean something. I suppose some men think if they get you here **tappin temple**...then everything else will fall into place including the ass. But you aren't getting anything if I'm actually participating partially. It's not to be got if it's kind of given. We'll see how the breakfast in bed date goes on Sunday.

However, as deep as his patience is, I have NONE.

Beware of the game you play - your calculated insanity may cost you. Cost you the glint in my eye, my low laugh and the fire in my belly.

...Laughin' Out---Loud...

April is hella funny for ALL that...I'mma say this - she's one of my best girls and entertains herself in the funniest ways and then reads it even funnier. My girl is sittin in a 3 story crib in a great bay hood - keep playin' - coz all she's got is time and money...keep fuckin' around and her ass will be in the desert again - like I said,"don't play with mothuhfuckas who can afford plane fare..." Besides, Kuya is playin' on her team. If you really wanna play kickball with her and shit - bring your helmet Forrest Gump.

...Fallin' Out...

Someone very close to me made a sad admission - and I became INFURIATED. He said that he misses the girl he first met, the one full of optimism and blind faith...the girl that believed in Love. He continued and told me you just aren't the same. I agreed with him and added,"I will never be the same and I'm glad that the naivete was lifted off my shoulders and now I know that 99.9% of people in the world don't deserve SHIT, much less LOVE." I told him flat out,"That bitch is dead...and she's never coming back." He said I know. I said then stop bringing it up...He said I can't help it...I think of her and how she's gone and I want to mourn. I said," well MOURN and put flowers on her grave - but she is gone like a destroyed stainglass window. " I also told him that I wanted no further talk of it.

In the saddest voice he said,"...but she's the girl I fell for..." I said in a monotone,"...I'm sorry for your loss..."

We've been through some shit...but we might not make it through this.

... Blockin' Out...

I've been daydreaming a lot lately about far away cities and the scent of good bookstores and handmade leather journals. It's time for my boots to touch foreign concrete. It's just a matter of time.

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